Tiger Misses The Cut…Again

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Internet buzz has surrounded Tiger Woods once again. As with every recent non-golf Tiger story, this one involves beautiful women and millions of dollars, and like all recent Tiger golf stories, this one also involves him falling short.

Though far from confirmed, rumors from the past few days say Tiger offered $200 million to Elin Nordigren to take him back. According to the National Enquirer (hey, they did first report on Tiger’s slut rampage), Elin, who already has $100 million from Tiger because of the divorce, seriously considered it, pending a $350 million cheating clause.

That’s more than half of Tiger’s $600 million fortune, an amount which she feels is enough to keep him from straying and put her firmly in control of their relationship,” said a source. “Tiger didn’t even balk at the demand. Even though his accountants think he’s crazy, he’s ready to sign the prenup and set a wedding date.

But, according to Michael Sneed of the slightly more reliable Chicago Sun-Times, the deal, if it ever existed, is not going to happen.

Scratch the tabloid twaddle Tiger Woods proposed over the Christmas holiday to ex-wife Elin Nordegren, who allegedly claimed she’d do it for a pre-nup—including a $350 million anti-cheating clause.

A friend of Nordegren tells Sneed the story is ‘farcical, bogus, absolutely fiction, false and that she is spending her time being a lovely mom raising her lovely kids.’

Elin should have taken it. You know what’s cooler than 100 million dollars? 300 Million dollars. She goes from the bottom end of the nine-figure club to professional sports team owner. As far as gold digging goes, there are few people to go after with more money or fame. And if he has sex with one other woman ever again, which you have to put at at least 50/50 odds, she doubles her money.

Tiger’s motives for the deal are less understandable. As beautiful as Elin is, a woman like her was a slow Tuesday for Tiger in his mid-2000s glory days. It’s not like any one will ever say “Sorry Tiger, but I only sleep with recent Majors winners. Now, where’s Graeme McDowell?”

With his newest on-course disaster fresh in his mind, Tiger has had to have been looking for ways to rekindle his past success. Rory McIlroy, fresh off his own $200 million dollar deal, is quickly becoming the face of golf. Maybe Tiger looks over at Rory, and his long-term relationship with former world No. 1 tennis player Caroline Wozniacki, and sees the stability, and potential success, in a steady, monogamous relationship.

More realistically, Tiger is looking for a spark. When the excitement from the back nine at Augusta wasn’t enough, Tiger could always get a thrill from trying to hide his latest porn star hook up from his super model wife. Now the world’s No. 2 golfer can still have sex with anyone he wants, but what’s the fun for him if doesn’t have to hide it from anyone?

If Tiger and Elin got back together now, not only would he have the adrenaline rush from wild, against-the-wall sex in the Bellagio with underwear models, but the tantalizing fear of losing half his fortune at the same time. Because if crazy porno sex isn’t enough to make Tiger play his best, then more than a third of a billion dollars might be.

[via National Enquirer, Chicago Sun-times]

Image via Gawker


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Rex Reagan

Rex Reagan is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move.

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