Donald Trump has been slumming it.
After applying for a job he didn’t even think he’d get, he had to leave his handful of mansions and move into a tiny new apartment. It’s right in the middle of a rough neighborhood in D.C. and it’s so small that it may as well be a cardboard box.
President Trump reportedly told members at his Bedminster golf club that the White House is “a real dump.” Sports Illustrated reported that Trump felt comfortable opening up about his humble new home to members of the New Jersey-based golf club, because he feels “unguarded among the people who pay for their proximity to him.”
Downgrading to a smaller house is always a frustrating experience. According to unconfirmed rumors, this new house doesn’t even have golden toilets. And when Donald wants to bathe in hundred dollar bills, the bathtub is too small for him have enough room to eat a bowl of Captain Crunch while doing it. He does still have some servants, but most of them are men and the female ones are only 6s at best. It’s a real sausage fest in there.
He only has a few dozen TVs, none of which are voice activated. He has to actually use his hand to grab the remote if he wants to change the channel, like an Amish person. He can’t even binge-watch How I Met Your Mother because Steve Bannon changed the Netflix password just to be a dick. And to add insult to injury, since he’s renting the place he’s not allowed to redecorate.
Rumor has it that every night he lays in bed, confused that he can’t eat rare panda and liquified diamonds as a midnight snack. He demurely shrugs and sighs “it’s not much, but it’s all I got.”.
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