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My God, the terrible day has come, terrorism has finally hit the Greek community. You sons of bitches, I don’t care who you are, I don’t care how much of my and every other red-blooded American’s porn the NSA has to sift through, we WILL find you, and we WILL bring you to justice.*
*Calling this an act of terrorism is a complete assumption by the author and is not substantiated by any evidence or general rationality.
Fire marshals say they are investigating two “chemical bombs” that caused minor damage this afternoon at a Missouri State University sorority.
The incident took place at the rear entrance of Gamma Phi Beta, 1141 E. Elm St., Springfield.
A news release from the Springfield Fire Department says one person sustained minor chemical burns while attempting to clean up debris.
Randy Villines said the fire department takes any type of intentional explosion seriously. He said it’s not clear if the explosions were meant to cause injury.
Currently there are no leads, though police are searching for any nerdy chemistry majors who may have volunteered to do a semester’s homework for one or more G-Phis without being compensated sexually.
I really hope this wasn’t a fraternity prank. Please tell me no one at MO State is dumb enough to have thought chemical bombs = lawlz. Shooting water balloons doesn’t even go well there.