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UNC Professor Thinks With His Dick, Ends Up In Argentinian Prison On Drug Smuggling Charges

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I’ve always wondered what professors do in their free time. Most of them are prim and proper when presenting monotonous information in their best monotone voice. They are sold to us as a symbol of intellectualism and progression. Deep down, however, they’re just like the rest of us – wholly incompetent and carry a borderline addiction to life’s most tempting vices.

University of North Carolina professor Paul Frampton is supposedly a pretty smart dude, and he’s pretty old, meaning he should be one of the few people in this world who are entirely against – and smart enough to resist – illegal and immoral shit. Well, if people are good for anything, it’s surprises, and he sure did drop one on the UNC administration in 2012.

While traveling through the Buenos Aires airport in 2012, he was arrested by Argentinian authorities and booked for allegedly smuggling four pounds of cocaine hidden in a suitcase from Bolivia. As if that isn’t already strange enough for a distinguished, veteran professor, he was smuggling the drugs while on a mission to meet who he thought was a famous bikini model he claims to have interacted with on a dating site.

He tried to dispute the claims until the prosecution unveiled text message and emails between Frampton and who he believed to be the model explicitly discussing the drugs. He was convicted on the charges locked up on a four-year prison sentence, with the option of being deported after two years.

While he was locked up abroad, UNC suspended him, because, well, it’s not as if he could actually teach a damn class from an Argentinian prison. As his prison time in prison grew, UNC stayed away from firing him for good – until last week, that is.

Finally, as his release and deportation become closer, UNC decided to fire the sexually frustrated idiot, as announced by UNC Chancellor Carol Folt.

Thinking with your dick. It’s a TFM until you’re arrested chasing an imaginary model in a developing nation. That’s NF.


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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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