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UNC Student Athlete’s Leaked A- “Paper” Wouldn’t Get You A Good Grade In Middle School

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Student athletes catch a ton of flak for being handed grades and getting away with barely showing up to classes, presumably because they’re too busy working out, banging 10s, and abusing enough substances to make a Colombian drug lord blush. The University of North Carolina, not wanting to upset tradition, seems to have held onto at least part of that stereotype, if one student athlete’s paper on Rosa Parks is indicative of how seriously the school’s programs take the “student” part of student athlete.

Here’s the full paper:

On the evening of December Rosa Parks decided that she was going to sit in the white people section on the bus in Montgomery, Alabama. During this time blacks had to give up there seats to whites when more whites got on the bus. Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat. Her and the bus driver began to talk and the conversation went like this. “Let me have those front seats” said the driver. She didn’t get up and told the driver that she was tired of giving her seat to white people. “I’m going to have you arrested,” said the driver. “You may do that,” Rosa Parks responded. Two white policemen came in and Rosa Parks asked them “why do you all push us around?” The police officer replied and said “I don’t know, but the law is the law and you’re under arrest.

That is the whole thing. It weighs in at 146 words and 762 characters. It’s truly a feat of academic genius, considering the athlete in question got an A on something that can’t even technically qualify as a paper. I’m pretty sure those need more than one paragraph and they have to be void of elementary school grammar mistakes.

You know what’s longer than that paper? This article. This shows some serious differences in definition for quality of work between athletes and the rest of us peons without top level draft potential. I mean, I seriously hope this kid isn’t pre-med or anything else important. If he’s walking through classes at those levels, some poor asshole is going to end up with a scalpel in his nutsack when this kid’s pro career eventually goes belly-up and he gets into med school as a fallback.

From the university’s own policies, an A in a class requires:

Mastery of course content at the highest level of attainment that can reasonably be expected of students at a given stage of development.

The A grade states clearly that the students have shown such outstanding promise in the aspect of the discipline under study that he/she may be strongly encouraged to continue.

Really, UNC? The average sixth grader could shit on a keyboard and end up with a better paper than this. It would definitely have better spelling and grammar. If this demonstrates mastery, then either the kid is in a remedial class taught by Forrest Gump or the school is cutting some pretty big corners on its athletics standards. UNC isn’t the only offender, but it seems to be the worst at hiding it with fake classes, made up grades, and now this. I get that some of these guys are basically Brick from “Anchorman” when it comes to academics, but can we at least hold them to some kind of real academic standard? The rest of us have to bust our asses to get through undergrad and earn our degrees. Maybe schools could stop cheapening that by actually expecting these athletes to achieve something more than this bullshit.

[via BBC]

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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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