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Many of you might recall a post from last week, which highlighted each state’s most popular musical artist. This time, we have a map that focuses on meat, and this map answers one simple question: If every state could have only one meat, what would it be?
L.V. Anderson, a writer and an assistant editor for Slate, determined which meat best represents each state. Anderson used three rules: no two states could have the same meat, the meat had to come from a mammal (with a few exceptions) and for the most part, soups and sandwiches could not count as meat. The map also included some information on Luxembourg, the only country that consumes more meat per capita than the U.S., but that’s alright. We didn’t want pork collar, anyway.
I will admit that the map has its flaws, so unless you’re taking a cheap shot involving Dorn inserting his North Dakota* into Tennessee’s** Iowa***, quit your bitching.
*North Dakota: summer sausage
***Iowa: loose meat
Honorable Mentions: Not Quite Losers, But Not Quite Winners
West Virginia: squirrel. The article claims West Virginians actually eat squirrel, and not just the white trash people. The real joke here is claiming there are actually people in West Virginia who aren’t white trash.
Florida: alligator. I’ve never had gator, and I thought this was more of a Louisiana thing. I’ve watched too many episodes of “Swamp People,” I think.
Nevada: tongue. I’ve eaten tongue before. It wasn’t horrible, but I won’t order it again.
Rhode Island: hot wiener. It’s just a smaller hot dog. It’s literally only an honorable mention for its name.
Maine: surf and turf. Lobster AND steak? it’s the clear winner.
Connecticut: hamburger. Hamburgers are as American as bald eagles, Budweiser, or George H.W.’s sock collection. Despite multiple states claiming they created the first American hamburger, Connecticut is the only state that has the Library of Congress to back them up.
Illinois: porterhouse steak. Apparently the whole railroad stockyard thing and the center of America’s meatpacking industry gives Chicago (and Illinois) the “quintessential steakhouse steak.” Also, I think “meatpacking” is a funny word.
Tennessee: bacon. It’s bacon, not Bacon. Thank God. Nobody wants that meat.
Missouri: pork spare ribs. As a native Missourian, I’m biased, of course. But ribs are awesome. When you have St. Louis, which has a cut of ribs named after the city, and Kansas City, which is arguably the barbecue capital of the world, Missouri definitely wins.
Kentucky: lamb fries (read: lamb testicles). Kentucky is zero for two in these articles (you might recall their Fall Out Boy obsession in the music survey). Get your shit together, Kentucky.
Delaware: scrapple. For those of you who don’t know, scrapple is a loaf made of “pork stock, pork livers, pork fat, pork snouts, corn meal, pork hearts, wheat flour, salt and spices.” Just no.
California: tofu. I would eat lamb balls before I ate tofu.
Hawaii: Spam. I thought that shit was reserved for war handouts and the pirate army in Waterworld. Great flick, though.
Utah: gelatin. The person who wrote this is just messing with us now, right?
You can follow the link below to play around with the interactive map on Slate.