======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
My roommates and I used to bicker at each other from time to time, like any roommates are liable to do. Someone would be angry about their stuff being moved or missing, someone else would wonder who drank their beer or ate their pizza rolls, or someone else would be like, “Goddammit Rob, you got drunk, climbed down from your loft naked, and pissed in the corner of the room last night, you fucking idiot.” Yes, we would get upset, even if it was a total accident and I was super drunk and simply got lost twelve seconds into my journey to the bathroom. What we would not do, however, is stab each other, though admittedly a brother who lived down the hall did once threaten us with a machete.
Unfortunately for an SAE at the University of New Haven, his roommate and SAE brother (this according to a tipster) decided to start settling roommate squabbles like they do in prison:
A University of New Haven student who officials said was stabbed repeatedly by his roommate has been released from the hospital.
According to police, Ketryk Wilder, 20, stabbed his roommate several times in Soundview Hall at 300 Boston Road in West Haven around 2 a.m. on Saturday.
The victim, who has not been identified, was stabbed in the abdomen, leg and chest and had a partial punctured lung, police said.
What did the kid do? Take a dump in the corner of the room? That seems worthy of a punch in the face at best.
There’s no word on what the altercation was about, and since no murdered coeds were found in the area, I doubt they were pulling a Scream ending.
We don’t know exactly what the stabbing was over, but I can only think of a few instances in which stabbing a roommate would make sense:
1) Wilder’s other 20 roommates, all which are (very angry) figments of his imagination, took a vote and decided that someone needed to stab the other roommate.
2) Wilder’s roommate was sleeping under a blanket patterned with sheaths, and Wilder was too hammered to know the difference.
3) The words “I bet you won’t” were somehow involved.
4) Wilder’s roommate claimed to be knife proof and Wilder, being a man of science, wanted to test this claim.
5) They were eating some late night cheese and crackers, and Wilder is terrible at handing people knives.
6) Wilder has rage issues, which were severely exacerbated by whiskey.
7) Wilder’s roommate ate all his pizza rolls.*
*Let’s be serious, if you come home drunk and all you want to do is eat three dozen pizza rolls, only to find your roommate has eaten all of them, you’re going to want to stab something.
Feel free to leave your own guesses in the comments.
[via NBC Connecticut]