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Due to requests from SMU Phi Delt members we have removed the pictures and video of their pledge Super Bowl halftime show, which they assured us was voluntary (and probably was considering there were only like 10 pledges in the video). Apparently the SMU administration is a little upset over the video, because HAZING IS HAZING NO MATTER HOW HARMLESS OR VOLUNTARY OR FUNNY. An understandable position from a school as historically upstanding as SMU. They’ve always done it right over there.
You can read the original analysis of the video, sans pictures and video, below.
If you’re not embarrassing your pledges, you’re not doing it right. And if you are embarrassing your pledges, there are few people better to do it for than sorority girls. As someone who used to be in charge of sorority serenades, I can attest first-hand that putting pledges in any production immediately increases its entertainment value, even though you will assure the pledges afterwards that they did a terrible job and ruined the entire thing before acting like an angry director by throwing your frat beret to the ground, stomping it angrily, and storming off in your black fratleneck (frat turtleneck). That always got the pledges scared for hazing — me, screaming my face off in a turtleneck, stomping on a beret.
All that considered, the idea of the Phi Delt pledge trainers at SMU making their new pledge class put on a half time show of their own for the fraternity’s Super Bowl party seems like a pretty hilarious idea. Having the pledges make asses out of themselves for girls is pretty common, and girls like the half time show better than the actual game, so a pledge-produced Super Bowl half time show just seems logical, really. Below is the video of the performance:
[Removed because the SMU administration hates art in the form of human movement]
For the most part, pledges dancing around like idiots, dressed like a shitty Village People knockoff, isn’t anything all that surprising to me. I’ve seen my fraternity do it, and I’ve seen other fraternities do it. It’s just funny, in the dumbest way possible. A couple SMU kids I spoke with about the video, however, were a little more taken aback than I thought they would be. SMU is a pretty conservative school, and it shows in a lot of ways (rampant cocaine use and hooker murdering not included among them). One example is that their sorority serenades tend to be pledges and/or actives standing around in khakis and blazers, presumably singing a mediocrely harmonized Jason Mraz song. YAWN. Maybe it’s because I’m a simple public university mouth breather, but give me a serenade with innuendo only slightly more subtle than the pledge class simply running around naked, slapping each others’ wieners as a pledge trainer sings, “GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY, GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY,” into a megaphone to the melody of “Old McDonald.”
The SMU kids’ general sentiment was, “Can you believe this?!?!” to which I replied, “Yes, absolutely.” If I had a nickel for every time I saw a pledge class do some poorly choreographed, homoerotic dance then I would have had more nickels to throw at pledges as they performed their poorly choreographed, homoerotic dances. When it comes to pledges, I don’t make it rain; I make it hail, you guys.
Despite the fact that, for the most part this video seemed par for the course in terms of pledge embarrassment, there were a few moments that stuck out as odd, even for this video. I highlighted them.
0:48 – Man-barrow/leg spread move
[Removed due to SMU’s Nazi-esque anti-dance policies]
Try not to look so happy that close to your pledge brother’s grundle, especially when there’s only a thin layer of denim separating you from it.
0:54 – The unspeakable dance move
[Removed because SMU, and really, America, isn’t ready for this dance move]
I had to watch this part three or four times before I realized, “HOLY SHIT THEY’RE DOING A DUTCH RUDDER!” Seriously, go back and watch. The Phi Delt pledges of SMU just invented the Dutch Rudder Dance Move. Congratulations on your contribution to American culture. This is by far the most outrageous part of the video. A Dutch Rudder, just…just wow.
1:46 – Shirtless Double Shimmy
[Removed because the SMU administration hates unbridled joy]
Those aren’t stage smiles. These guys are legitimately having the time of their lives. At this point, it just felt like I was watching a Wham! video.
1:58 – Lap Dance
[Removed because the SMU administration couldn’t handle those moves]
This part is, of course, a classic. The rip away shorts were an impressive touch. A lot of planning went into this show, but then again something like the Dutch Rudder doesn’t just happen. There’s even a nice little touch at the end when the stripper kisses the girl. That’s how you can tell he’s an amateur, though. None of the strippers I get dances from EVER want to kiss, even when I explain to them that feeling like I’m loved is the only thing that turns me on. I hate strip clubs.
Congrats, SMU Phi Delt, in part for the mildly amusing video, but mostly for introducing America to what’s sure to be the hottest new dance craze: The Dutch Rudder.