The Brothers Who Yell At Pledges

After pledging a fraternity, I noticed that there were a few different types of brothers that always try to scare you straight when you’re at those late-night “hangout” sessions. I wanted to write this because very rarely does it actually work. Here is a list of Brothers who yell and look dumb:

• The Drunk. It’s a Wednesday night and you are wondering why this dude is in your face screaming about his part-time job at Wendy’s. This guy is completely unwarranted to be doing what he is doing… even as a brother. Everyone in the room has that look on their face like they are watching a super senior strike out with a freshman. It seems like the frat grabbed a drunk homeless guy off the street and told him to scream in a basement because you’ve never even seen this brother before. He “yells” for WAY too long and his argument is going in circles. It gets so bad that he is told to stop by another brother. “That’s enough brother Jackson”. He completely ruins the flow of the night and is basically escorted out of the situation while the pledge master tries to get back on track.

• The Pledge Master(or whatever your dumbass frat calls it). This is the guy in charge of the pledges and I’ll be honest, would sometimes get me. Mostly because I actually connected with him so the anger seems more honest. However, he also has a yelling limit because, after a certain amount of time. “You guys are making me look bad” kinda wears thin. Usually, this is where the “standing up for your pledge brother” troupe comes into play as he will single out someone to start doing push-ups while a random brother in the background screams “Really?! None of you guys are gonna help him?”

• The Time bomb. This guy’s act is to seem really calm and then explode out of nowhere to catch all those pledges off guard and prove he is relevant. Wow so unexpected. He usually had something happen to him that week like a pledge didn’t do his interview, but he’s an acting major and thinks this is his night at the Apollo. He tries to connect with you guys before the night starts by being overly friendly as a way to foreshadow his time in the spotlight to monologue.

• The Improviser. This one just wants attention. He paces in front of you and your pledge brothers and silently looks like he’s trying to contain his anger, but in reality, this guy got nothing. He just wants to participate in the yelling contest to see who can make the pledges the most scared but doesn’t actually have a reason to be yelling. He will either make up a scenario where a pledge fucked up even though it didn’t happen or go to the well of infinite anger and scream about the house being dirty. 

• The Only Right One. This one makes you piss your pants. You’ve never even heard this guy talk, but one of your pledge brothers hit on his girlfriend so now it’s game time. He steps out of the back dark corner of the basement almost like a ghost. This guy scares the shit out of you because it looks like he’s having a mental breakdown and you genuinely feel like it is your fault. He is the only one to make your pledge brother break and shed a tear. He actually 

So if you were in a fraternity and you yelled at some pledges, chances are you just embarrassed yourself because we all saw right through you. And if you currently have pledges right now, don’t be one of those guys that yell thinking you are actually accomplishing anything.