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We’re Gonna Be Alright

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No matter which turd in the toilet you chose to be President, America is going to get a huge Trump enema for the next eight years. I was leery of him at first, you know, because he’s a fucking lunatic, but at the end of the day, he’s better than Hillary.

That’s something everyone needs to embrace, as America finally becomes the reality TV show we were always destined to be.

Everyone thought everything would go to shit overnight if he got elected. But you know what? Everything is fine. The economy is fine. Republicans control the House and Senate. Hipsters are in the street, protesting like useless pussies. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

One of the first things Trump did was shit on the Trans-Pacific Partnership, the secretive slutty multinational trade deal that would have undermined American sovereignty and given global corporations massive power. You know Hillary would already be on her knees for that shit.

He won’t build a wall. The wall is an impractical waste of money that wouldn’t do shit to stop drugs or illegal immigrants because the cartels all use tunnels anyway. Walls don’t stop moles.

He said he’d build a wall just to secure the votes of the really stupid and the really racist (aka the majority). He understands how dumb democracy is. Do you?

What I’ve learned from Trump is that America is #1 and everyone else can go fuck themselves. Sure he says dumb shit every time he opens his mouth, but his heart is in the right place. He knows he’s the baddest motherfucker on the planet now and he’s not afraid to tell people how he really feels.

He’s the exact asshole we need to combat the rising tide of feminism and cultural PC hipster herpes that is rotting our freedom of speech to the core. Trump isn’t afraid to grab America by the pussy and bomb the shit out of anyone who isn’t us. Sure he says some idiotic shit, but he’s not afraid to call a spade a spade.

Now that Trump is President, I’m not afraid of the PC police anymore. Now I can talk about whatever I want, whenever I want. I can show up to a restaurant at 7 a.m. with my drunk asshole friends and rant about how lesbians all secretly dream of dick. If anyone has a problem with my loud, idiotic ranting, I don’t have to apologize and promise to keep my voice down.

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RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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