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Your Nipples Can Fall Off (GAHHHH)

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File this under “Nightmare Fuel.”

An inappropriate game of titty twister has lead to tragedy in New Port Richie, Florida.

This is the lede of a recent Miami New Times story about 28-year-old Thomas Matheson. Matheson was arrested on charges of child abuse after some friendly roughhousing between a man and a toddler took an unexpected turn.

Matheson, who was “watching” a 2-year-old boy while the child’s mother was at work, told police that, in the moment, he didn’t realize that the nipples had popped off in his hands like rusty buttons attached to a screaming baby.

Luckily the toddler’s grandmother, who arrived on the scene two hours later, noticed that there was something unusual about how her grandson no longer had nipples, and arranged for him to be taken to the hospital.


That is absolutely horrifying. Not the nipple, man.




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