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You’re High If You Think Arian Foster Can’t Take Down A Wolf In A Fight

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I’m the biggest fan of nature there is in the game. People know this about me. I love me a badass, predatory animal more than anyone I know. Actually I love me a badass, predatory animal more than I love anyone I know, too. Animals that are gifted hunters and fighters really get me going, be it due to stealth-like pursuit, brute strength, insane speed, or just an unrelenting zest for blood. I respect them, as I expect mutual respect from them as a member of the top of their food chain.

Yes, people are at the top. This doesn’t necessarily mean we can scrap with a bengal tiger or silverback gorilla in a cage match and hold our own. Because we can’t. We do possess the unmatched power of intellect over every other species, though. That’s why we are and forever will be number one. We make guns and build shelters and shit. The human brain is an amazing thing. Hands, too. Hands are so important in fighting and weigh heavily in any bout that pits one of us against another animal. Any creature sans hands that squares up to a human is at a distinct disadvantage.

You tell me I have a fight to the death coming up with a different species, the first question I’m asking is about how this animal is biologically equipped. More specifically, I want to know what his feet look like. Does it have paws? Does it have hooves? How many feet does it have? What’s the claw situation looking like? Talons? Sharp and cat-like? Does it have dog-like, bluntly tipped claws? Maybe it has something weird and awesome like a badger does. I need answers to these questions, because in a fight you need to always be aware of what kind of damage an appendage can do and plan to methodically minimize it.

Think about humans fighting. What’s the number one thing they use to strike their counterpart? It’s their hands, man. Duh. It’s common sense. We use our hands before we use our feet or mouth or head or ears because our hands are most effective in combat. It’s also a natural instinct for us to use our hands while in offense or defense. Learn biology for me one time.

Arian Foster let Twitter know that he thinks he can take down a wolf in a one-on-one fight. Many people are coming at him, calling him a moron and saying he stands no chance. But Arian is right. He can take a wolf in a fight with relative ease.

These two tweets started the discussion.

“Wolves fight in packs, Dorn. You stupid idiot. Foster has no shot against a pack of wolves.” This is very clearly a one-on-one hypothetical, so stop talking. It may be abnormal for a wolf to hunt/fight alone, but it’s also pretty abnormal for former NFL running backs to literally fight a wolf. The talk is for funzies. He’s not actually going out into the woods looking for a wolf to throw down with.

This is an excellent rebuttal, and he’s even a little high on the size of a wolf. Wolves range in size from 66 to 180 lbs. according to the internet. Foster is 230, but a well distributed 230. The guy is in shape.

A pit is no wolf, Arian. Here’s the one tweet in a string of great ones that does nothing for your argument.

This is the most important part of his argument and where the argument needs to stop. You can argue that the wolf is stronger (is it, though?) or has that killer instinct that Foster doesn’t, but at the end of the day, legs down, the wolf is no better equipped than a golden retriever. It has the paws of a dog because well it’s basically just a big, mean dog with a stronger jaw.

The key in fighting a wolf, and Arian says it pretty well, is to not let him get his teeth on you, and grab his neck. If you square up to a charging wolf and use your hands the right way while mixing in the proper footwork, you should be able to grab that fucker’s neck and gain full control over him. Well, maybe not you. But Arian can. He’s an athlete.

You get your hands of a wolf’s neck and it’s game over.

The guy is a Pro Bowl caliber running back. Give him the credit he deserves. The thumbs. He’s stuck on the thumbs because it’s such an important attribute that so many people are overlooking. Size, smarts, strength, thumbs. It’s Arian in a rout and you’re high if you think otherwise.

I’m not even remotely joking when I say I could take down a wolf, too.

Image via Shutterstock

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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