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The last time these two teams played, Wall Street hadn’t been occupied yet, and Bill Clinton was listening to Cheeseburger in Paradise on Epstein’s island. This game has game of the year potential as both teams are loaded with talent and have bigger brands than every Instagram influencer you know. Texas comes into this game after bulldozing Louisiana Monroe, which is equivalent to my cousin in the sixth grade playing mini-hoops with Shaq. In his first time wearing Texas orange, Quinn Ewers completed 16 of 24 passes for 225 yards and a pair of touchdowns with an interception. Now we will get a chance to see what he does against an Alabama defense that’s built like a custom Madden team. Ewers has a receiving core that’s so good that they could catch an STD from a Mormon. On top of that, Texas has the best running back in the country in Bijan Robinson. Steve Sarkisian has the tools to keep up with Nick Saban if his offensive line shows up.
We already know what Alabama has on offense: a Heisman quarterback, an excellent receiving corps, and a front five that could protect a President. Guantanamo Bay detainees have received kinder treatment than what the ‘Tide did to Utah State last weekend. Going into the year, we knew Bryce Young was the best quarterback in college football, but I don’t think anyone expected him to be even BETTER than last year. As great as Alabama is at putting points on the board, where they edge Texas is their defense. The Crimson Tide recorded 57.0 sacks a year ago — the most in the Saban era — and this group might push that number even further. With Will Anderson and Dallas Turner as the outside linebacker bookends and talented defensive linemen pushing from the middle, that poses a Walter White-sized problem for Texas. Vegas likes Alabama -17.5, and while I think Alabama ends up winning this game, I think Texas keeps it more competitive than experts are thinking. The Longhorns need respect before walking into the SEC; this is their chance to get street-cred. Take Alabama to win, Texas to cover, and take your free $200 from DraftKings!