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Game Analysis:

Good for the Pelicans! They kept it closer than I would’ve imagined in game one (and they actually won the second half). I’m happy for the Pelicans, and the I’m excited hype coming out of the Smoothie King Center is great for basketball, but there’s no way in hell they win this series. In almost every statistical category (except for like…free throws attempted), the Suns are a superior team. With a team this dominant, with the guys we knew they had, and the guys that have progressed (shoutout Mikal Bridges), this is the Suns’ championship to lose. The Suns’ reign this year can not be emphasized enough. Every night they went out this season, I had to turn the TV off when the girl I’ve been seeing was over because it felt weirdly like I was watching BDSM. Plugging the holes at the five with JaVale McGee and Bismack Biyombo was an offseason move we’ve watched play dividends, as the Suns are somehow playing better team basketball than they did last year.

Chris Paul had a thirty-point game in game one, and I think we can all agree that we all wince every time he goes up for a layup due to his playoff injury history. Much of the loss can be blamed on the Pelicans’ bigs; they protected the paint like Biden protects our border. You know that one meme of Riley Reid and the six guys where she’s sitting on the couch? Yeah, that was the Suns in the paint game one. They had fifty-two points from inside the charity stripe. Barring a last-minute return from a healthy Zion Williamson, the Suns will probably sweep this series- keep betting on them.

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