Previewing The First NFL Game Of The Season: A Drunk Tom Brady Could Beat The Cowboys

Before I get into why a drunken Tom Brady could still beat Dallas I need to tell you about the greatest bet for tonight. Over at Wynn Bet, you can turn $1 into $100 If either team scores a touchdown. Here’s how you get into this great bet. Click here to register for WynnBet

1) Click “Promotions” on the menu and hit “Deposit Now” once seeing the “Bet $1 Win $100” offer. 

2) Deposit at least $20

3) Bet $1 or more on the Cowboys vs Bucs Moneyline

4) WIN AN EASY $100!

*Must be located in NJ, IN, TN, CO, VA, or MI to place bet*

Now that I’ve gifted you a $100 to spend on an Uber round trip where you get to a girls house and she tells you that she actually doesn’t wanna hang out, and your sad ass goes back home. If you want more money to waste on Uber I love the Bucs spread which is currently at -7.5. Tampa is bringing back all of their starters from their Super Bowl team last year. Last year they went 9-7 against the spread. If you’ve read my other blogs, you know that I don’t believe in Tom Brady this year and that I’ll think age will catch up to him like the 45-year-old at the bar who is trying to pick up 22-year-olds. Age might not catch up with Brady in week one, and we could have a dementia ridden hammered Brady score points against this Cowboys defense.

Last year the Cowboys had the 29th overall defense, and 28th in points allowed. Dallas had their legs wide open and it didn’t matter if you were over 400 pounds, or 4’11” everybody could get some. The Bucs offense was great last year with weapons like Antonio Brown, Gronk, Mike Evans, and Chris Godwin. This offense is going to score like the star QB on homecoming or like any basketball player.

Everybody is in love with this Cowboys offense, but I don’t know how great they will be week one. Last year Dak missed most of the season with a broken ankle. The Cowboys were on Hard Knocks this year which was an extremely shitty show. Regardless Dak missed most of training camp with a shoulder injury, and the Cowboys are going to be rusty in the first game. Unfortunatly for them they are going against a great defense. Tampa last year had the 2nd overall defense. If it wasn’t bad enough that last year the Cowboys missed Dak they also had fat Zeke. Zeke gained the freshman 15 in his 5th season. As a super senior he started to skip all of his classes, sit around in his underwear eating whole pizzas, and drinking all day and night. You know those girls who don’t buy new clothes and are still wearing the crop tops in their sophmore year that they brought from high school? That’s what happened with Zeke’s jersey. People are saying that Zeke looks great this year, but he will go against a great running defense. Last year the Bucs were 1st in rushing yards allowed, and 1st in rushing touchdowns allowed.

So in conclusion the Bucs have a great offense and defense. The Cowboys have an extremely shitty defense, and their offense will be rusty with Dak missing training camp. I will be taking Tampa Bay’s spread, Tampa’s Moneyline, and winning $100 after the Bucs score a touchdown.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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