Mailman Dave
One week from today, the NFL regular season kicks off. If you’re a gambler, I will have a separate blog for all of the futures. This blog is going to be a general look at the 2021 football season. I’m going to get this out of the way. If you’ve read my other blogs, you know that I’m a huge Eagles fan, and I think they will suck donkey nuts this year. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them finish last in the NFC East. I don’t think Jalen Hurts is a good quarterback, I don’t trust their defense, and I don’t have any faith in the new Head Coach Nick Sirianni. Since that’s out of the way, let’s break down the rest of the league.
I’m ready for this to be thrown in my face in January, but I don’t think that Tom Brady can go back to back at 44 years old. Age has to catch up to him at some point, and I think this will be the year that it happens. I know that they brought back all of their starters who won the Super Bowl, that they have an amazing defense, great weapons for Brady, but nobody has won back-to-back Super Bowls since the 2003-2004 Patriots. Tom Brady happened to be on those teams, so if anybody can do it, it’s him. I don’t think something crazy will happen, and they don’t make the playoffs, but I don’t think they will win it all again.
Some other things you need to know so you’re not the dumbass. Texans are going to be god awful this year. The 4,000 rape allegations against Deshaun Watson haven’t been resolved, so who knows if he will even be their quarterback this year. If he’s not the QB, it will be Tyrod Taylor. If you watched Hard Knocks, you’d remember him as the guy who was in front of Baker Mayfield in Cleveland, and his big highlight was correcting journalists on how to say his name. I still don’t know the correct way.
The two best fanbases have real hope this year, with the Browns and Bills both having great teams. Last year the Bills lost in the AFC Championship to the Chiefs 38-24. Josh Allen leads the high-flying offense where most plays look like Allen was smoking crack before the play, but somehow it works for him. To go along with that, they have a great defense. The Browns, on the other hand, didn’t make it that far into the playoffs, but they did give the Chiefs the hardest time in the playoffs when they lost last year 17-22. I love Bills Mafia, and they party hard regardless of the outcome. You add them winning the entire city of Buffalo might burn to the ground. Then with Cleveland, you have the Dawg Pound. They were partying and cheering during the Hue Jackson era, where they went 3-36-1. If you can find a reason to cheer during that time, you deserve to be rewarded with a good football team, and that’s what they have now. I know that Baker is the star, but they aren’t a high-flying offense like the Chiefs; they are a hardnosed running team. They improve their defense, Baker keeps getting better, and they have a real chance of winning it all.
TFM technically is out of Tennessee, so I should write about the Titans. This year I see them being good, not great, which is a very boring take. They added Julio Jones to go along with Derrick Henry and AJ Brown. Their offense isn’t going to be the problem. Their defense will be like Charlie and Dennis at Patty’s when they let in every 14 years old to “safely” drink at their bar. Last year their defense finished with the 21st overall defense, 24th points allowed, 28th yards allowed, 29th passing yards allowed, 31st passing touchdowns allowed, and 22nd rushing touchdowns allowed. That’s almost as bad as the chick who says her body count is 4 digits.
Fuck the Cowboys mostly because I’m an Eagles fan, but they also gave us an extremely bad Hard Knocks. Carson Wentz has reunited with his old offensive coordinator in Frank Reich in Indy, but he is always dealing with injuries. Wentz is the dude you play in basketball intramurals who said he would be in the NBA if he didn’t blow out his knee. The Ravens will be great in the regular season but suck in the playoffs because Lamar Jackson sucks at throwing the ball. Jets and Jaguars are going to both suck like the gluck gluck 9000.
The NFC West is going to be great to watch this year. If you’re currently going to school in California, you probably don’t give two shits since you’re staring at hot chicks in bikinis all day and living on the beach. But Seattle, San Fran, and the Rams are all going to be great this year. Don’t be surprised when you see Matthew Stafford playing in LA. He’s no longer in Detroit and is now playing for the Rams. Once again, you won’t start paying attention until it’s playoffs, and the number of hot chicks on the beach starts to dwindle.
I want Da Bears to be good, but they can’t pull their heads out of their own asses and figure out the QB situation. They are still sticking with Andy Dalton as their starting QB even though they drafted Justin Fields, and he looks like a stud. This is like the business major who is only a business major to please his parents but really wants to take some artsy major. Aaron Rodgers is still in Green Bay as he has turned into the emo kid who dresses in all black and hates his parents.
So yeah, that’s the majority of the NFL teams and what their future holds. I’m ready to be wrong about 99% of this and look like a dumbass. If you can’t wait for my NFL Futures blog and want to gamble on futures, make sure to bet with Wynn Bet.
