The Eagles suck cock and the only thing getting me through this season is fantasy football. Here’s how week four went down in the TFM league:
Game 1: VinegarStrokes vs. Mailman Dave
Me: 145.48
Dave: 134.02
After two weeks of having my dick absolutely handed to me, it felt good to get a win this week against Dave. His team put up a pretty decent showing, and the only one who really underperformed was Travis Kelce with a whopping 6.3 points against a pathetic Eagles “defense.” Admittedly, there was a bit of a bailout in my matchup this week. Tyreek hill had eleven receptions, 186 yards, and three touchdowns for 47.6 points. He took his short king cock and fucked Dave over real good with it.
Game 2: Conall vs Toby
Conall: 117.64
Toby: 109.72
Toby’s team has been experiencing a bit of a drought since he absolutely bent Bobby over in week 2. Dalvin Cook leaving the game with a mere 6.4 points all but guaranteed Conall’s win this week. Speaking of Conall, I think we all need to give him a little round of applause. The kid who knew nothing about fantasy going into this year just snagged his second win of the season and proved to everyone out there that he’s not a complete and total moron. At least he’s not a complete and total moron in regard to fantasy. Jury is still out on the rest of his life.
Game 3: Birdlaw vs. Henry
Henry: 136.12
Bobby: 109.42
Bobby shat the bed big time this week. I don’t know if it was him not checking his lineup before Sunday afternoon or if it was just complete and utter stupidity, but the man left an injured A.J. Brown in his lineup while Deebo Samuel put up a fat 35.7 points from his bench. 35.7 points that would have won him the game. Good stuff, Bobby. And then there’s Henry, who continues to go undefeated and repeatedly put his fantasy football dick in the rest of our metaphorical assholes.
Week 4 Standings:
Henry: 4-0
Me, Conall, and Dave: 2-2
Toby and Bobby: 1-3
