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TFM MVP Of Week One Of College Football: The 74,866 People Who Didn’t Eat An Entire Jug Of Mayo

The Clemson vs. Georgia game was on Saturday night, and it was the perfect big night game to end an amazing day of football. It was two preseason top-five teams going against each other, and if you read my preview blog, you know that I loved the under. It was the easiest under ever since the final score was 10-3. I was wrong about Clemson winning, but I at least got it half right. C’s get degrees, and even though I only had 50%, I’m grading on a curve, and I’m giving myself a C since I loved the under and just liked Clemson. This isn’t a blog jerking myself off about winning a bet; it’s about who I’m awarding the TFM MVP to. For week one of College Football, it’s not one single winner, but thousands of people. It’s everybody who was in Bank of America Stadium who decided that eating a liter of mayo wasn’t a good idea. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s the video of a Clemson fan going ham-eating mayo.

This man looked like Lana Rhodes after a gangbang. It looks like your fatass throwing up after you thought that eating an entire pizza and chugging White Russians would be a good idea. He just keeps shoveling mayo in his mouth and isn’t looking back. How does he not throw up everywhere. I’m not one of those anti mayo people who think it’s the most disgusting condiment known to mankind. Mayo with chicken salad, tuna salad, turkey sandwich, and mixing with other condiments is great. Eating by the shovel full is not ideal. All of those people who think that mayo is disgusting and can’t even look at it. You know that Chic Fil A sauce you love so much there’s mayo in it, that Big Mac sauce there’s mayo.

Mayo man is all alone in this endeavor. Nobody around him is shoveling the condiment. I think we have a random dude shoveling hot dogs down his throat like he’s auditioning for Call Her Daddy. We have two blond chicks laughing behind him; little do they know they’ll look like that tonight as they swallow children.

What did this man say to the security? I promise I don’t have a weapon or a bomb in this mayo jar. I plan on eating this if the camera gets on me. Did he start shoveling the mayo before the camera panned to him, or was the camera already on him? Regardless the MVP is the smart people who decided they didn’t want to eat an entire jar of mayo live on tv. Imagine burping up mayo for the rest of the night as you watched the Tigers not score a touchdown and lose the season opener. Or what did his toilet look like after he shit out straight mayo?

What do you think?

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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