Men are known for a list of universally shared interested. Among these is women, sports, red meat, Clash of Clans, and many other things. In my humble opinion, a high-quality highlight tape of an athlete feels like it should be at the top of that list. Odds are, if you are around a boyfriend of someone you frequently hang out with but don’t refer to as a friend, you can strike up a nuanced conversation by bringing up these highlight tapes.
Also, I don’t know hockey players well enough to rank their highlight tapes. So I’m just going to minimize embarrassment by not even mentioning the sport on this list. Ilya Bryzgalov was my favorite, though.
It feels criminally insane that the only basketball player on this list (sorry, this might need several editions) is the same race as me. That being said, Larry Bird found a way to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time, while being one of the least athletic players from the eighties. Let that sink in. He was one of the least athletic guys from an era who’s players are often referred to as plumbers. That being said, he combined the finesse of Jason Williams with the touch of Steph Curry.
The worst part about this is the fact that Jamaal Charles just lost his spot on this list. That being said, CJ2K has a thirteen-minute video of him running away from NFL players. If his prime was longer, he’d be talked about the same way Adrian Peterson and Ladanian Tomlinson are. I couldn’t catch him in the open field in my Chevy.
Marcus Mariota (Oregon)
There have been countless quarterbacks with downright electric highlight tapes. Johnny Manziel, Joe Burrow, Cam Newton, Tim Tebow and Lamar Jackson all would’ve been worthy selections. Yet, Mariota’s time at Oregon seems to be lost in the mix of these other icons. Apparently, most of the world has forgotten that Marcus Mariota was so good in college that he got Chip Kelly a head coaching gig.
This guy was Nolan Ryan for three years. Outside of that stretch, he was a very average starting pitcher. That being said, he was the most feared pitcher in baseball for a brief run, and he looked like a lanky teenager the entire time. You know it’s legit because it’s ranked second and starts with a clip of Lincecum making Chase Utley look foolish.
Tavon Austin (West Virginia)
I have never had a more obvious number one for a list in my life. If your boy from high school has a good Hudl clip, the highest possible compliment you can give him is to compare him to Tavon Austin. I don’t even think it matters about the sport. His senior year highlights from West Virginia have 22 million views on YouTube, in case you needed more proof.