8 Daily Thoughts from the Average Male

“Why isn’t Livvy Dunne dating me?”

Every time I see her post, I just think about how totally unfair it is that she’s with any guy whose name isn’t Tim Moxey. I mean just look at this girl:

How is it possible that she is that hot? I mean seriously. I’ve considered transferring to LSU every day for the past year and a half just on very, very, very slim chance she’d even speak words to me.

“Can I afford DoorDash?”

No, you can’t. You’re going to order it anyway, but you can’t afford it.

“Fuck it, I might drop out”

Every time I wake up before the hour of 11am, which is, unfortunately, almost every day, I wonder if this whole college thing is really worth it. 

“Is it too early to jerk off?”

It’s the daily struggle of figuring out if that’s how you really want to spend the next fourteen five minutes of your day.

“This class is a waste of time”

You’ll get at least one every semester. You don’t learn anything new, your professor is an idiot, and it’s an automatic A that you could’ve gotten without ever showing up.

“I love women”

Refer back to the picture of Livvy Dunne. Seeing stuff like that on an Instagram feed every day is enough to make any guy have a real genuine appreciation for the female species.

“I hate women”

This might not be daily, but it’s gotta happen at least a few times a week. Whether it’s your girlfriend being a dick or you getting dipped on Snapchat by the girl you bought four drinks for over the weekend, every guy will experience a few moments of intense misogyny pretty frequently.

“The weekend should last way longer”

If it weren’t for the weekends, I don’t think anyone would make it through four years of college, so it makes complete sense that every waking moment is spent waiting for it to come and wishing for it to last longer.

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Written by TFM

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