Quarterbacks are always put in boxes based on qualities that people feel summarize them as a player. NFL signal callers are ranked based on where they went to college, how fast they are, or how funny it sounds when they scream, “You like that?” Quarterbacks are rarely based on what they deal with off the field, though. I’m ending this problem, and creating a list of top five quarterbacks with alopecia.
1. Josh Dobbs
The Cowboys defense has compared themselves to the 1985 Bears. They’re wrong, but Josh Dobbs dismantling them for the win is impressive nonetheless. After starting the season as Kyler Murray’s fill in, Dobbs has the Cardinals blowing out people’s expectations. The craziest thing about this run, is that he is doing it without the ability to grow hair. Josh Dobbs is easily the greatest quarterback with alopecia in the history of the NFL.
As it turns out, Josh Dobbs is the only quarterback in NFL history with alopecia. I’m in too deep to scrap this one, so here are other people with alopecia ranked based on how good they would be as an NFL quarterback.
2. Anthony Carrigan
He is most commonly known for playing NoHo Hank in HBO’s Barry. That being said, he has alopecia, is a great leader, and has unbroken spirit. He’d probably earn a spot as a backup on at least ten NFL teams.
3. Jada Pinkett-Smith
She probably can’t throw a ball very far. But Will Smith would vehemently protect her, even if she flirted with pass-rushers about a shared love for Tupac. I wish more people had alopecia so she wasn’t on this list.
4. Viola Davis
According to the smart folks over at google.com, Viola Davis has alopecia. She has zero desired traits of an NFL quarterback, but this list is quickly losing steam.
5. Bruce Willis
I’m really running out of options here. He’s bald, ok? That’s as close as we’re getting. I just wish it was actually alopecia, because he might’ve taken the number one spot.