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Customer Support NEEDS to be Fixed… Everywhere

Hispanic man using a computer and talking to a customer over a headset while doing customer support in a call centre.

Let me be clear. When I am trying to get a hold of customer support, I am not asking to be put on life support.

Good God, it’s 2021 and I’m still getting put on hold for 90+ minutes all for some schmuck from Xfinity can tell me that I need to reset my WiFi router. 

Constantly producing technological innovation is one of humanity’s greatest attributes. Google invented a pair of headphones that can automatically translate what you hear to any language you want, all in real time. We have developed beds that are literally designed to make sure you have a good dream. Someone invented a toothbrush with a camera in it and it can talk to you and give you tips on how to keep your oral health in check! 

That’s right. A toothbrush can give you advice. Pretty cool, right?

So how come when I call customer support at pretty much ANY company, I am greeted by a very polite recording (the same one they’ve been using since 2009, of course) of someone saying how much they appreciate me calling and much my call means to their company (I always feel so BLESSED) and then I am directed to a fabulous two hour orchestra concert that sounds like it was recorded with a tape recorder, underwater. 

Can you hear the pain in my voice?

If the call meant so much to you, then why is my reward being put on hold?

That’s like the federal government saying, “Hey thanks so much for donating $200,000 to all your local charities. You’re under arrest for fraud.”

Why are we struggling with this concept. Why is alleviating the ills of this department of your business such a mystery?

I mean, good lord, maybe, just maybe, we should pump the brakes a little on investing in a toothbrush that can talk back to you and allocate more money into efficient customer support programs across ALL fields of work. 

Just give it a shot. I mean after all, what do you think is really happening while we wait on hold. Are we really sitting there, smiling, as we patiently wait for the gorgeous scratchy music performance to end?

No. We are sharpening knives, writing manifestos, and using every cell in our body to not do something violent. 

Trust me, humanity will be served a lot better if our customer service was fixed ACROSS THE BOARD. 

The talking toothbrush can wait, as it’s worrisome enough that I hear my Amazon Alexa laughing in my living room more than I’d like. I don’t know if I can bear a chatty toothbrush joining the mix as well.

What do you think?

Written by Henry Marken

I lost my pinky finger at age 4, but then found it again at a soup kitchen when I was 15. Survivor of a wild turkey attack (2008). I went to the University of Phoenix before it was cool to do college online. Currently in a lawsuit with Crayola after a devastating purple crayon incident.

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