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What Your Job Says About You

Finance:

It’s amusing to me that people on Tik Tok think that they are doing something when they shit on finance guys. HAHA! He will have three wives who will get younger with each marriage and two boats, but you got a joke off about Microsoft Excel. Do you know what breed of psycho it takes to be a finance guy? Fucking 70% of the time, these guys leave their fraternities to go directly into 2-3 years of pledging in the real world, living off of thirty-four dollar cob salads that they eat at their desks and Adderall. Finance guys were bred by athletic good-looking parents, knew what they wanted to do as soon as they Pirated Wolf of Wall Street at their friend’s house, and live their entire lives with the amount of irrational confidence that it takes to be a shark. For the entirety of their early twenties, the only time they experience joy is sharing Litquity memes on a 48-hour getaway in Tulum and going through a bag at The Gem before they get a please fix email from their boss. 

Blue Collar:

Blue-collar guys are the best, and many don’t even respect me- which is fair enough. I’m not going to go on a tangent from each guy, from construction to power lines, but Blue Collar are guys guys. These are the people that keep this country rolling while also accruing the DUIs that help cops reach quotas. If you work a blue-collar job, chances are you are pretty much the only demographic that actually uses Instagram reels, you keep big tobacco in business, and you have some pretty sick tattoos. 

Sales:

Sales are such a wide spectrum that it’s hard to narrow. As somebody who has seen sales work both ways in the media business, I can tell you firsthand that to be good at sales is to find the insecurities in people and in businesses. A good salesperson is the type of person that you would want to be friends with but who you wouldn’t want your daughter to date. Although most people just end up being mediocre at sales, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. In a world where people are fighting tooth and nail to be autistic so they can add one more flag to their Twitter bio, I see nothing wrong with being a person that likes to drink 8 Bud Lights and lose money in retail trading. Not everybody can be Derrick Rose, some people have to be Taj Gibson’s, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Social Media Manager: 

Social media management is a thankless job for creative people who believe that one-moment shining moment in the sun is worth dealing with the digital Chiraq, the modern internet. All it takes for one Tik Tok for half the country to call Kellogs frosted flakes racist and the other half to photoshop Pepe the frog eating Kellogs frosted flakes with a Wade>>> hat on. If you do this, you are or have been on antidepressants, you scream into your pillow frequently, and you long to one day throw your phone into the ocean.  

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