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Skip The Turkey? Go Vegan Instead? … No Thank You, I Don’t Think I Will

Among all the things that are going to cost more this year with inflation being out of control — will skip the political position and just play it straight — Thanksgiving could be different for a lot of people this year.

Couldn’t be me.

NOPE. No fvcking way am I giving in to the slow introduction to communism. (Sorry, went as long as I could without making this about politics, you commie.)

Here is the deal, “The American Farm Bureau estimates a Thanksgiving feast for 10, complete with sweet potatoes, rolls, a vegetable tray and a pie with whipped cream, will cost $53.31 this year, up 14% from a year ago. It’s an unusual spike. Before this year, the annual cost estimate had been falling since 2015,” the Associated Press reported Monday.

So, the cost is going up — truly this is a problem for my parents, not like I am responsible for anything important. We already discussed that I am bringing a giant Reese’s pie.

But, for those out there in the ‘Post Grad Problems’ world and not the ‘Total Frat Move’ world… this could be for you.

There have been two suggested solutions for the issue given to you by the media.

Ready: Skip the turkey ORRRRRR go vegan.

Fvck you.

“If you tell everyone you’re having a Thanksgiving without turkey, some guests may drop off the list—and that’s a way to cut costs, too,” a super serious ‘expert’ told NBC viewers. 

She even said it with a straight face. Like this is a real solution?!?!

Oh, you don’t like that answer… well, here is one that is worse: Go vegan!

The St. Louis Federal Reserve legit told people to go cheaper this year with a “soy-bean based dinner.”

Again, and I can not stress this enough: Fvck you.

“This plant-based meal would be almost 3 times larger by weight than the poultry-based meal and may either keep you at the dinner table longer or provide you with more leftovers,” it posted, like this was a real answer.

You can bet your sweet ass that not a single person suggesting this is missing one scoop of their favorite side dish…. not one member of the media is going to have to decide if they want a turkey this year… and not a single member of congress is going to have anything less than exactly what they have always have.

As for you and me? Well we can eat cockroaches for all they care… in fact, there is probably some study coming in the next two days that shows how much more protein sewer rats have versus cornish hens… or something.

Fvck them.

Written by Malcolm Henry

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