Malcolm Henry
The headline is not clickbait, this is the true story of Dylan (last name unknown) and his amazing life hack idea that just may be worth stealing.
Dylan, clearly a genius, stopped buying food at the supermarket, and instead bought a yearly membership to Six Flags. His savvy investment cut his annual food bill down to literally one nice date. Fvcking Legend.
“You can pay around $150 for unlimited, year-round access to Six Flags, which includes parking and two meals a day,” he told MEL. “If you time it right, you could eat both lunch and dinner there every day.
“That entire first year, I don’t think I ever went to the grocery store. I timed it so I was able to go there during my lunch break, go back to work, then stop back for dinner on my way home.”
The background here is that Dylan was a just-out-of-college intern, had the obvious mountain of debt that he was trying to climb out of, and had a view of Six Flags Magic Mountain… where it all came together in one perfect story.
This complete cost reduction allowed Dylan — now 33 — to pay off all of his student debt. He also, somehow, got married and bought a house. His wife still is down with his membership, too.
Though, it sounds like she has made him cut back. Like a normal person would.
“My wife moved in and I stopped doing dinners — and weekends, too, since she’s not as big into roller coasters as I am,” Dylan added. “It’s not quite at the level of Cheers, but all the park employees, they’ll say hi.”
Dylan has also seen and experienced the evolution of the offerings, as well as his own dietary preferences.
When it all first started it was pizza, burgers, breaksticks… clearly nothing worth writing home about, but right out of college… it is all stuff he was used to eating.
Now, there are actual options. Apparently.
“Still a lot of bad food, I mean it’s theme-park food so you can’t expect too much from them,” he said. “But you find the options that aren’t terrible — stuff like tri-tip sandwiches and vegan options like blackbean burgers and meatless meatball subs.”
They even have specialty items that pop up on the menu from time to time…
The “Thanksgiving Dog” was something that took his lunch game to the next level… until he overdid it.
“It was amazing,” he says. “It’s a turkey dog topped with cranberry sauce, stuffing and a slathering of mayonnaise, which I know sounds awful, but it was so good. I ended up eating way too many of them, and now I can’t even smell turkey dogs without gagging.”
He has, however, been met with one massive challenge:
The best food — chipotle chicken — is all the way across the park, and in the water slide area.
“From where I park my car, to the places at the back of the park, to then back to my car, it’s usually about 5,000 steps — and I’m hustlin’,” he explains. “I could go to Hurricane Harbor [the waterpark area], but it seems weird being the only guy dressed business casual while everyone else is walking around in swim trunks and bikinis.”
Photo by Blake Guidry on Unsplash
