I once heard someone ask if it’s better to get laid or eat a good meal after a night out of drinking. That person was probably a virgin for even asking this question. That being said, we all partake in the drunk meal late at night sometimes. Here’s what your meal of choice says about you.
Door Dash fast food
It doesn’t matter which place it’s from. If you are in this boat, you take whatever is available to you. If there is a McDonald’s, a Burger King, and a Wendy’s all in the area, you choose the one with the quickest delivery time. The people who choose these options to cap off a night at the bar are all veterans at the late-night order. They are surgical while navigating the menu, and they typically order a lot. They will justify the routine artery clogging they partake in as, “Curing tomorrow’s hangover.” These people will realize just how wrong they are as they sit on their toilet the next morning as they struggle to unload two big macs, and fourteen Michelob Ultras.
My roommate is the type of person who returns home from the bar and makes a grilled cheese for every person in the room. This is one hundred percent the best option for a drunk snack if you have any brave soldiers who still have the mental capacity to man a stove after the night. If you are dating someone who makes a round of grilled cheeses after returning home from the bar, you should stop reading this and go propose. It saves money, is incredibly fast, and still tastes great.
You guys suck. If you haven’t gone to Chipotle in the past three days, you have no reason to be eating a leftover burrito bowl labeled, “FOR DEREK! DO NOT EAT,” that sits alone in the fridge. Alcohol has a not-so-chill effect on these people that they believe once they are drunk their actions don’t affect other people. I hope these people would get some E.coli just one time so they could learn that their consequences have actions.
These people are disgusting. They don’t really care about what they are eating, as long as they are eating a lot of it. Any logic these people have learned about how to properly eat food goes out the window after their fifth shot of the night. When the group ends up on the couch watching Animal Planet and discussing how many honey badgers they could take in a fight, this guy gets to work. No matter who’s house he is at he reaches into the pantry and has himself a feast. I have one of these friends and my roommates require a full day notice before he comes over anymore. The crimes he has committed with a bottle of ranch are so heinous I won’t even type them.
I fall into this category. This isn’t by choice. I would firmly be in the first category if it weren’t for my tendencies to pass out before my order arrives. This is the worst category because it leaves you hungry, broke, and sad. This does work better in the winter when the world is your own personal refrigerator, and you can eat your meal in shame the next morning. The worst-case scenario is finding two stray cats fight over your Baconator when you wake up to go to class the next morning. That I can tell you from experience.