Can We, As A Culture, Please Stop Pretending Madonna Is Attractive

In the latest act of her attention seeking behavior, grandmother-aged Madonna crawled across Jimmy Fallon’s desk during her appearance on The Tonight Show.

The decision forced me to ask several questions? Most all of them involve WHY.

1) Why? Not like… ‘why did she do it’ … that is obvious. It is more like, ‘Why are we still talking about Madonna?’

2) Why did Jimmy play along with this instead of looking at her like she is an idiot?

Most importantly, 3) Why are we pretending that Madonna is still in any way attractive?

If you haven’t seen the clip I will spare your eyes and not embed it… but you can click on it here

Madonna is 63. SIXTY-FVCKING-THREE. And, she looks every bit of it. No amount of makeup or scantily clad outfit can cover up the fact that she is decades (plural) past her prime. So, please, folks, let’s stop pretending that she isn’t because she used to be some sex symbol IN THE 1980s.

She was (allegedly) a ‘surprise guest’ on the show to promote her Paramount+ tour documentary Madame X, which she hopes can “disturb the peace.”

“And so I hope that I have disturbed not only your peace this afternoon but people’s peace while they watch the show. But I mean that in the best way,” she said, with a weird wry smile.

She then stood up, and tried to do something that may have been sexy 35 years ago… or it could have been sexy if someone actually sexy did it… sprawling across Fallon’s desk.

Fallon thankfully yelled at the former starlet, telling her, “Madonna! Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop it! Oh my heavens. Stop it. Stop it. I don’t know what to do. Stop it right now.”

He also did the only decent thing to do: he covered up gramma with his jacket. So she could stop embarrassing herself.

Madonna THEN decided she wouldn’t get enough attention with that, so she flashed her ass — or what remains of it. For some reason the audience went wild, cheering her.

I legit do not understand.

Madonna does not have a pretty face — really, she never has.
Madonna does not have some stellar figure, anymore — she actually did at one point, but she was a poster for the ButterFace Movement, if we are being honest.

Madonna has nothing that anyone wants to see anymore, yet we are supposed to pretend she does? It is time to stop.

If we are going to be forced to pretend that old ladies are still hot… at least give some stronger candidates to consider.

Michelle Pfeiffer is the same 63 as Madonna. It is no contest.
Christy Brinkley is 67 and is a SMOKE SHOW compared to Madonna.
Olivia Newton John is 72 and has so much more going for herself.

That doesn’t even take into account those nearing 60…

Marisa Tomei is 57. Yo.
Courtney Cox is also 57. Is this real life?
Elizabeth Hurley is 56. Her Insta game is must follow.
Jennifer Anniston is 52. And would still get it.

The point here is simple… Madonna was barely sexy when she did both Playboy and Penthouse in 1985… she sure as shit isn’t sexy now.

We, as a society, need to do her a favor and let her know that no one wants to see it anymore.

Written by Malcolm Henry

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