Gwyneth Paltrow Putting Out ‘DTF’ Pills To Compliment Her Vaginal Scents Collection

You clicked. We knew you would. How could you resist…

Yes, it is true. Gwyneth and her company, Goop, make a major comeback with a new plan to help people have more sex. And they do not discriminate, offering vegan & gluten-free options as DTF pills that are being marketed as a “supplement to support women’s sexual desire, arousal and mood.”

Fvck yes!

The makers of “This Smells Like My Orgasm” and “This Smells Like My Vagina” candles announced this new line and we hope they sell out.

“It’s not just about sex: It’s about supporting our pursuit of more pleasure, more often. And yes, we chose to name it DTF. It can be a joke we share,” Paltrow said in the press release. “We’re not ashamed to say we wanted help shifting our sex drive into gear. And we also know we’re not alone — everyday stress and anxiety, hormonal fluctuations and fatigue can all impact female libido and sexual health.”

No. This is just about sex. More sex. All the time sex.

Gwyneth Paltrow is giving women all the tools necessary to stop using excuses like “I’ve had too many tests this week,” or “I had too much queso at dinner.” (that last one hits a little close to home)

Now all you have to do is pop this pill and you’ll be “down to fvck?” That’s right, just that easy.

What’s in these DTFs that turn women from I just want to wrap up with a blanket and watch anime after finishing that bottle of white (yes, personally specific again) and into a horned up Zeta?

1) Who cares?

But, also, 2) The Goop team says they’ve combined Libifem fenugreek extract, shatavari and saffron extract into the DTF pill. These horny pills will cost between $50 and $55 and users are told to take two pills a day for two months for optimal horniness.

I’m not sure who is more excited here, me or my gf…

Honestly, now a pill can do the work for me? Okay… I don’t have to go through the trouble of buying flowers, making a romantic dinner, and acting like I don’t mind missing a Georgia game in order to check all the boxes to drop the panties. Not sure where the downside is?

But will women really use a DTF pill? Or do they really want that alone time on the couch with a good book on a tablet? At $50 for a 60-pill bottle (that’s the subscription price!) it feels like Gwyneth has her marketing work cut out for her on this one.

Listen, if anyone has any horny reviews… please drop them below. My bosses will like the “engagement” on the article.

Written by Malcolm Henry

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