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3rd-Degree Assault Charge For Punching Miles Teller? Worth It?

CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 18: Miles Teller attends the "Too Old To Die Young" photocall during the 72nd annual Cannes Film Festival on May 18, 2019 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Laurent KOFFEL/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images)

There are few celebrity types that I give any sort of emotional reaction to. I could meet any one of a thousand of them and not care. Like at all. There are a few that it would be cool and I’d probably talk about it later. And there is even a smaller collection that I irrationally hate — seeing as how I haven’t met them — and Miles Teller is on that list.

He just always has a smug vibe to him. Some sort of I’m better than you attitude, for no reason. His movies suck. He sucks in all of them. I have, for some reason, always wanted to punch him in the face. Though that opportunity will never present itself to me, I now know the cost of it, if it does: a third degree assault charge.

That might just be worth it.

According to TMZ, Russell Nielsen took home one count of 3rd-degree assault in the County of Maui as prosecutors argued that he intentionally, knowingly or recklessly caused bodily injury to Teller.

On CriminalDefenseLawyer.com (no idea if that is a legit representation but it was the first Google result) that comes with the following punishment in Hawaii:

Assault in the third degree is punished as either a misdemeanor or petty misdemeanor.

  • Misdemeanor. A person convicted of a misdemeanor could receive probation or a jail sentence no greater than one year, as well as a fine of up to $2,000.
  • Petty misdemeanor. Sentences involve either probation or a period in jail no longer than 30 days, and a fine up to $1,000.

(Haw. Rev. Stat. § § 706-663, 706-640.)

Assault against a law enforcement officer in the second degree is a misdemeanor. Penalties include a jail sentence of at least 30 days and no greater than one year, as well as a fine of up to $2,000.

(Haw. Rev. Stat. § § 707-712.6, 706-663, 706-640.)

Apparently, from people “familiar” with the situation, Nielsen knows the Tellers after his wife worked on their wedding ceremony in 2019.

Nielsen alleges that the happy couple owes his family nearly $60K for services rendered, so he approached Teller about it and did not like the answer he was given… so, he and another person ‘jumped’ Teller in the bathroom and gave him a black eye for the troubles.

TMZ also has a completely separate video of Nielsen being kind of an asshole involving another wedding situation. Which leads me to believe this is two douchebags yapping at one another until the not famous one snapped. As he is prone to do.

Either way this will be settled in court, and that I will be able to make a firm decision on if punching Miles Teller would be worth it.

Honestly, I thought Teller would fight back and it be over like mature adults. Him pressing charges is such a Miles Teller thing to do… makes me want to punch him even more.


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Written by Malcolm Henry

One Comment

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  1. Didn’t like War Dogs? Great film. Miles Teller punching somebody back is a bad look for him. Any celebrity would get dragged thru the mud if that happened. Go back to watching your shitty movies.

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