“War Between Aliens And Dragons” Warns Florida Man

Classic Florida man story for you folks today.

A man was arrested for breaking into an official government Space Force base as he attempted to warn commanding officers about a war between aliens and dragons. 

Corey Johnson, 29, was arrested at the Patrick Space Force Base in Brevard County, Florida yesterday after he unlawfully gained access to the official government building. When arrested and brought in for questioning, Johnson told police he was told by “the president” to warn the government that “there were U.S. aliens fighting Chinese dragons.” It is unclear who he was referring to as “the president,” but my guess is that it’s not Joe Biden.

It has also been revealed that the car Johnson drove to the base was actually stolen days prior. Johnson admitted he stole a 2013 Ford F-150 a few days before because the president in his head told him he needed the vehicle. He has since been arrested for charges of grand theft of a motor vehicle and is being held at the Brevard County Jail on $3,000 bond. Hopefully, he can get a presidential pardon from the one in his head.

While the Space Force and the rest of the U.S government is writing Johnson off as a typical Florida lunatic, I personally have some questions for him. First, what type of weapons were being used in this war? Did the dragons have weapons or just the abilities to breathe fire and fly? Also, how did he know the dragons were Chinese, aren’t all dragons Chinese? Finally, what drug was he on and where can I buy some?

Alex Becker

Written by Alex Becker

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