As I sit here in my frat house on a beautiful Friday morning, I long for the excitement I once felt on Fridays. Friday’s used to mean that at 9 am the following day I’d be preparing to break the world record for most Bud Lights consumed before the Florida Gators kickoff. So I’d like to take this time to reminisce and take you through an average game day at an SEC school.
It’s 8:30 in the morning and the police siren and bullhorn going off in the hallway of your frat house take you out of your deep slumber. You pick you’re head up and realize you’re still sauced from the night before. This is phenomenal news. The shampoo effect means you get a headstart in front of all the other lads, but chances are they’re also shampooed. Your door is busted open by 4 guys who launch a beer into your loft. They refuse to leave until you and your roommate shotgun a beer. You oblige and your day is officially kicked off.
By 10:00 am EDM music is shaking your house and you can feel the vibes around campus coming to life. You run across the street and grab some of gods elixir, Celsius. This is what is going to keep you on your feet until kickoff. If you’re smart you’ll buy a bunch. You make your way back to the house and have a pledge bartender get you two ice-cold Nati Lights.
At 10:30 am the doors to your frat open and the girls from your paired sorority start coming out of the woodwork. Next thing you know there are 400 people throughout your entire frat house. You run up to your room only to find 4 girls sitting in there and when you ask them what they’re doing they all simultaneously answer “looking for a bathroom”. This is when you learn the very valuable lesson of always locking your door for tailgates.
At 11 am you make your way out to the backyard and put on an athletic display in a plethora of beer games. By 1 pm you decide your gonna attack the two-story funnel. Sheer velocity causes you to spew straight sea foam. It was not your best showing. The rage cage goes on for another couple of hours and you eventually start to get ready to make moves to the stadium.
If your school is anything like mine your football team isn’t good enough to get a night game so the kickoff starts at 3 pm. After the game, you spend the next week recovering and then do it all again the next Saturday. God, I love college football.