Not All Tinder Hookups Are Great

SPAIN - 2021/03/30: In this photo illustration, the Tinder app seen displayed on a smartphone screen. (Photo Illustration by Thiago Prudêncio/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images)

Tinder hookups. God damn, are they hit or miss. You can have the time of your life or the worst time of your life. Where do I start? Picture this. So, I go down to Isla Vista on spring break with a few of my boys. We meet up with one of our mutual friends that we were going to stay with and instantly start deleting beers. One drink after another, we start to get REAL drunk. After a few hours, we started to ask where the real medicine was. We found a guy who was trapping down the hallway and had the good stuff. He had anything a guy could want. We ended up spending a while with him and having some fun for free.

While hanging out with him I decided to re-download tinder. While I had an absurd amount of energy I started swiping like no other man had other swiped. After countless time of unsuccessful rizz, I ended up matching with a 4. After the beers she was looking like a solid 9. After matching with her I spit some game for a while as we went to go get food at a buffalo wing place. As we were looking at the menu, I made one of the worst/funniest decisions of my life. I got buffalo wing fries. Afterwards, my stomach proceeded to torque my stomach and I let out some of the most gnarly farts of my whole existence. This continued throughout the entire night.

Later on, I invited the tinder girl over with her friends. She came over and we started chatting and after her roommates blacked out, she asked if we could go take care of her roommate back at her place. Me and her drank a little bit more and we headed over to her place to put her roommate to bed. We put her roommate to bed and we started watching a movie, where she proceeded to peer pressure me into taking a whip it, where I repeatedly declined. After that I ended up sealing the deal and we go to bed. In the morning, I wake up to her staring at me with the most pissed off look I have ever seen. I simply ask, “what’s going on?” And she replies, ” well I mean, do you know what you did last night?” And I say, “probably not.” And out of the blue she screams, ” What did you eat for dinner last night?” To where I answer, “buffalo wings.” She begins to go off on me on how my farting and snoring in my sleep kept her up all night and she got little to no sleep. I think it’s safe to say that you should not eat buffalo wings before your first tinder hookup.

Written by Danny Serrano

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