A list of quotes from my very dumb friends and roommates, here you go:
“I gotta go to my piss spot.”
“You have a piss spot?”
“I have many piss spots.”
This was said walking through the streets of my campus at approximately 9:45pm on a Friday night.
“I’m gonna find this pinkus tinkus and he’s going down.”
-My roommate, searching through guys on Tinder trying to find someone that was impersonating him
“There’s so many dudes on here. If a girl can’t get sex, she’s just ugly.”
-My roommate, still searching through men on Tinder trying to find his imposter. At this point though, he was commenting on the appearances of most men he saw.
“Millie Bobbie Brown. I be grooming that shit.”
-My friend, said at about 2am when we were discussing the morality of being attracted to Millie Bobbie Brown
“If you don’t piss in yo fridge, you will never clean it.”
-My friend, from his own personal experience
“Have you seen ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’?”
“When I was like… a dozen!”
-My friend, making a very silly drunken comment.
“I’m getting real disrespectful in this hoe.”
-My roommate, swearing his head off at four in the morning while drunkenly playing Call of Duty
-My roommate, meaning to say the name of the very famous actor: “Keanu Reeves”
“The first girl that gave me a blowjob used teeth. But I didn’t want to be rude, so my penis just got bodied.”
-My roommate, telling me about how polite and respectful he is when he’s with a woman.
“Call me Colin Kap the way I don’t be playing in the NFL.”
-My roommate, watching an Eagles game.
“I would fuck her on some super gremlin Antonio Brown type shit.”
-My roommate, not being respectful toward women he would like to be romantically involved with.
“I’m ‘bout to blow.”
-My roommate, who had just eaten a large serving of Chipotle.
“He was speaking an African language, but it turned out to be French.”
-My roommate, who is very clearly not blessed in the linguistic field.