Things I’ve Heard Said In College

A list of quotes from my very dumb friends and roommates, here you go:

“I gotta go to my piss spot.”


“You have a piss spot?”


“I have many piss spots.”


This was said walking through the streets of my campus at approximately 9:45pm on a Friday night.

“I’m gonna find this pinkus tinkus and he’s going down.”

-My roommate, searching through guys on Tinder trying to find someone that was impersonating him

“There’s so many dudes on here. If a girl can’t get sex, she’s just ugly.”

-My roommate, still searching through men on Tinder trying to find his imposter. At this point though, he was commenting on the appearances of most men he saw.

“Millie Bobbie Brown. I be grooming that shit.”

-My friend, said at about 2am when we were discussing the morality of being attracted to Millie Bobbie Brown

“If you don’t piss in yo fridge, you will never clean it.”

-My friend, from his own personal experience

“Have you seen ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’?”


“When I was like… a dozen!”

-My friend, making a very silly drunken comment.

“I’m getting real disrespectful in this hoe.”

-My roommate, swearing his head off at four in the morning while drunkenly playing Call of Duty

“Reno Keeves”

-My roommate, meaning to say the name of the very famous actor: “Keanu Reeves”

“The first girl that gave me a blowjob used teeth. But I didn’t want to be rude, so my penis just got bodied.”

-My roommate, telling me about how polite and respectful he is when he’s with a woman.

“Call me Colin Kap the way I don’t be playing in the NFL.

-My roommate, watching an Eagles game.

“I would fuck her on some super gremlin Antonio Brown type shit.”

-My roommate, not being respectful toward women he would like to be romantically involved with.

“I’m ‘bout to blow.”

-My roommate, who had just eaten a large serving of Chipotle.

“He was speaking an African language, but it turned out to be French.”

-My roommate, who is very clearly not blessed in the linguistic field.

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Written by TFM

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