PGP
- Print long documents. The office comes to a standstill when shit is printing.
- “Organize” your desk while you’re supposed to be working. Really just shuffling papers around.
- Listen to other cities’ sports radio programs.
- Oh, I’m on the phone with my bank.” -Ultimate Forcefield. Nobody questions you if you’re having “bank issues.”
- Search through the online company directory…for no one in particular. Literally just look at the names and try to find people you haven’t met.
- Start smoking just for the breaks. Smoking is good for you. Don’t let the bureaucrats tell you otherwise.
- Make more coffee.
- Install updates on your computer.
- Spend the half hour before lunch discussing where your group should go to lunch.
- Play online checkers against yourself.
- Count to 28,800.
- Write a random first name on everyone’s lunch in the fridge. Watch the anarchy unfold.
- Walk around on google maps in a happier geographic location.
- Kill someone, then go to their funeral.
- Learn a new language you’ll never use. Claim it’s for work travel.
- Talk too much about everyone else’s kids.
- Read PGP articles about how to kill time at work.
- Write letters to your future self hoping you’re in a better place than you are now. As long as MS Word is open, no one could care less about what you’re typing.
- If you work on the phone, send yourself encouraging voicemails all day.
- Write passive aggressive messages to people you hate and email them to yourself.
- Build architectural wonders using only paperclips, paper and ballpoint pens. Bonus points if you can consult your friend who was an engineering major over Gchat.
- Switch shirts throughout the day and deny doing it when coworkers ask you about it.
- Deconstruct office supplies so that they look normal on the outside, but don’t work anymore.
- Prank call random numbers using the old-school Judge Judy, Dr. Phil, and Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboards.
- Fantasize about the office dime, who in any other setting would probably be like a 4 at most.
- Call friends and pretend to set up appointments with them in order to avoid cold calling clients.
- Take sad, lonely walks around the office. Claim it’s for exercise.
- Make up stories about dates you’ve gone on and create a false reality, in which you lose yourself and eventually go insane.
- Start dating your computer, like Joaquin Phoenix in Her.
- Tell people you saw a ghost in the hallway and start a ghost hunt, like those dudes on the Travel Channel. Film the whole thing.
- Hire Spagett to come to your office.
- Open all of your NSFW emails at once. Fuck it.
- Type every word you know.
- Tell a story about how you once traveled abroad to Detroit.
- See how far you can take it with a coworker before violating HR policies.
- Start the worst seafood blog ever and call it “Oh My Clawed.”
- Start coming up with fantasy baseball teams even though you have no intention of playing fantasy baseball.
- Make contorted, uncomfortable facial expressions that make it look like you’re not trying to shit all over your chair.
- Open up a large folder and start copy/pasting useless documents into it, tell people you’re “converting files.”
- Start a panic over China.
- Lay on your stomach for 20 minutes to align your back. Tell your boss to buzz off when they ask what you’re doing. A bad back could cost the company millions in healthcare costs in the long run. You read it in Forbes.
- Play the “penis” game with your most fun coworker.
NFL Week 4: Betting WITHOUT Logic
Fart, fart buckets
Thanks now I hate my job a bit less
Jonathan BKBUsDuOKVjpYOn 5 29 2022 clomid buy india