Don’t Be These People On Zoom

In many parts of the country, shit is finally being reopened. The days of having to spend 9 hours a day on Zoom or google hangouts are getting closer to being over with. If you work remotely or in a state that isn’t fully reopened, you still need to deal with Zoom. If there’s another pandemic that shuts the world down and forces everybody to work from home, hopefully, you’ve learned what to do and not do on Zoom.

Don’t be the person who doesn’t mute themselves

If you’re not talking, you should be on mute. It takes a second to switch yourself from mute to unmute. Nobody wants to hear whatever background music is happening, or if your child is home and they are screaming at the top of their lungs. With Zoom, the camera goes to whoever is talking. I don’t need to have a seizure as people’s mics are picking up all sorts of noise, and the camera keeps switching every two seconds. Keep yourself on mute so other people don’t have to hear the chaos behind you.

Don’t be the person who asks a question every 2 seconds

We want this zoom conference to be as quick and painless as possible. I don’t want to hear your stupid ass questions that make a 20-minute Zoom meeting be an hour. Unless you’re very important or are actually asking important questions, I’m going to assume that you’re dumb automatically. Also, the people who will ask a question and then weave in their entire life story in the question. Nobody cares about your life story; we want this zoom to end so we can start drinking.

Don’t be the person that changes their background

If you’re going to have your dining room or your office as your background, that’s fine. If you use the green screen function to have a solid color behind you, that’s fine. But don’t be the person who changes their background constantly. I know you think it’s funny to have yourself be underwater one second, and then the next, you’re next to the great pyramids. It’s not funny, and nobody really cares. I know that you probably don’t have many friends, and maybe somebody will recognize that your background is different. Well, we all realize it’s different, but nobody is going to become your friend because of it.

Hopefully, with corona and zoom in the rearview mirror, I want every city to look like Nashville this entire Sumer.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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