Hey Goldman Sachs Workers, After Working 100 Hours A Week, Here’s A Fruit Basket

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Remember last week when I wrote that Goldman Sachs workers were complaining that they were working 100 hours a week and had no time to shower or eat because they were slaving away? Well, Goldman Sachs company hasn’t said anything after the survey came out, but bosses have been sending out fruit baskets to bankers in London. A fruit basket is the most blah gift you can get; it’s the generic gift you get from your great aunt that you haven’t seen in years. When it’s near Christmas time, and I get tips from people on my postal route, a couple of houses will leave a fruit basket hanging on their mailbox. Now I put on the fakest smile the next time I see them and tell them thank you so much, and it was delicious. In reality, I get home and threw all the fruit in my yard for the deer to eat. There was this one lady that would make a fruit cake for me every year. Her house was near the end of my route, and I hadn’t eaten lunch that day. I got back to my mail truck, unwrapped the fruit cake, and took a giant bite. It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever put in my mouth. I instantly spit it out, and when I got near the woods, I whipped that thing in the woods. Of course, she got a thank you note a week later, telling her that the fruit cake was delicious.

So if workers from Goldman Sachs got a fruit basket, what did rival banks like Credit Suisse, Jefferies, and Citi Bank get?

Investment bankers at Credit Suisse are getting a one-time $20,000 bonus for dealing with an “unprecedented” workload during the pandemic.

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Well, shit, nothing says thank you like getting a $20,000 bonus. Those long hours don’t seem so long as you’re getting a $20,000 check. I would do a lot for $20,000 right now.

While Jefferies is offering 1,124 junior workers Apple products and workout equipment including Peloton bikes worth nearly £2,000, or about $2,750.

Business Insider

Nothing like taking your anger out on your bosses or your job as you bike 15 miles. Also, I’ve seen some of the instructors are smoke shows. I’ve, of course, seen these on Tik Tok; there’s no way my fat ass is biking on a Peloton.


Citigroup CEO Jane Fraser banned internal video calls on Fridays and introduced a companywide holiday on March 28 called “Citi Reset Day.”

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Getting a random day off is great. It’s like when I forget about a holiday, and I get a friendly reminder that I don’t have to work. My friend’s schedule has him working 2 doubles and then 1 single. He crushes out 3 days in a row and then has 4 days off. That’s the dream schedule there. After your 3 days, you have a day of rest, and then you still have 3 more days to do whatever you want to do.

I’m just surprised that companies are doing anything. I expected the CEOs and managers to be more like Wolf of Wall Street. I will always imagine this is what it’s like to work at a high-end bank or on Wall Street.

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