I Hate All Of These Rich Douchebags Except For Broke Bobby

I don’t 100% believe this is real, especially since the dude who made this video replied to his tweet asking people to check out his portfolio. The spreadsheet looks legit, but me being a dumbass dropout could make a spreadsheet-like that. If you label somebody Broke Bobby for making $125,000, there’s a chance your video might go viral.

Before I tell you how much these people are the biggest pieces of shit known to mankind, let’s talk about the awkwardness of real jobs after you graduate college. There is a certain point in all friend groups where some of the friends go on and actually get real jobs after you graduate. They might be salaried now or work at a place that gives out huge bonuses. The point is not everybody is poor waiting tables or doing other random jobs to get by. The people who are making decent money might want to go to a better bar where there isn’t shit and piss all over the bathroom walls, and it was fine before because they had $2 beers. If you go on vacations with your buddies, it’s no longer cool to sneak 3 extra dudes into a 2-bed hotel and draw straws on who has to sleep on the floor where it’s probably covered in old cum.

For my friend group, I was technically the first person to start making real money. I was salaried at the Post Office at 21, and I thought it was the coolest thing that I knew I would make at least that money every year, and I no longer had to whore myself out to make sure I worked a certain number of hours per week. After my friends graduated college and got real jobs, I quickly realized that the 48 thousand salary from the Post Office was shit. I quickly turned into the poor person in my group, and if we had a spreadsheet, I would be on the very bottom. If my friends were shitheads like these people, I would have been called Dirt Poor Dave.

First of all, who the fuck has 18 close enough friends where they are willing to go on a week-long vacation together? I have maybe four friends with whom I would consider going on vacation, and that’s pushing the limit. Second, what psycho’s are willing to put on a spreadsheet if they want to travel to a 3rd world vacation for vacation? What would you do in a 3rd world country for fun? Try not to wake up in a tub full of ice while you’re missing your kidneys? I know that people who have flown on private planes swear that they’ll never fly public, but if you’re going on vacation and you’re Shawn, you can’t pay a little more to cover for your “broke” friends? What a bunch of rich assholes.

I would give up my left nut to make $125,000 a year. I have an Uncle who probably made around that, and I thought he was rich my entire life. I couldn’t imagine making more than double what I make now. I would waste so much money on ATVs, fishing products, and other toys I absolutely love. If Broke Bobby saw this video, I would be looking for new friends ASAP. Broke Bobby, if you are real and reading this, I’ll be your best friend; you’ll be a rich king in my mind.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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