New Year, New Me

It’s the start of the new year which means new year resolutions right? That’s what everybody says. “This year will be different, I’m going to be healthy. No more getting blackout drunk, no more hooking up with random people. I’m going to quit chewing, and lose weight.” It’s all lies you’re going to be the same shitty person that you have always been. Just because the date changes from December 31st to January 1st truly doesn’t mean anything.

In your head it sounds like a good idea. The start of the new year you will change for the better, and maybe you actually take some steps towards that. You buy a gym membership along with the thousands of people who get a membership at the start of the year. You go once, and that’s the last time you set foot inside that gym. You try to cancel, and those sneaky bastards want you to climb on top of a mountain and send out a smoke signal in order to cancel a membership. In reality you just have to go in person to cancel, and your lazy ass won’t do that so you just keep paying the monthly subscription until your card expires and you’re finally freed.

For me it’s always been wanting to lose weight, and quitting chew. It’s been a thing for years I’ve always been on the heavy side. I’m a professional at losing weight, and then somehow gaining more weight than I lost. I know that in a couple of weeks I’ll realize I’m a fat ass again, and then lose a bunch of weight. Then by this time next year I’ll be be heavier than I am now. I’m not even going to lie to myself about quitting chew. I’ve been down that hell hole many times, and have failed every time. I have convinced myself that this will be the time that I actually quit, and I’ve dumped full tins of chew in the garbage. Then a couple of hours will pass, and I’m a weak bitch and buy a brand new tin.

So too sum it up resolutions are stupid, and we all know that you’re going to keep being a shitty person who doesn’t give a shit about your body. And who the fuck cares drink, chew, and eat your way into happiness.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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