Jokes Chris Rock Could’ve Made if He Were Dave Chapelle

If you somehow missed it, Chris Rock got the shit slapped out of him by Will Smith at the Oscars last night. Whether you think it’s real or fake, there’s no denying it has been the single most interesting thing to ever happen at the Oscars. The joke he made was about Jada Pinkett Smith being in a G.I. Jane movie because she’s now bald due to alopecia.

After being slapped, Chris Rock did… nothing.

Seriously, Chris Rock was turned into Billy Bob Thornton in Tombstone.

Chris Rock just kind of moved on after getting his shit absolutely rocked, but I can’t imagine that most comedians would’ve reacted that way. You can bet your ass that Dave Chapelle would’ve kept on going afterward. Here’s what I think he would’ve said.

“It’s great to see everyone here tonight. Will and Jada, you guys look great. I can’t wait to see Jada star in the new Mrs. Clean commercials.”

“Ben Kingsley is in the house tonight. It’s great to see him, and I think we all remember his role as Gandhi. Jada, are you so upset you didn’t get the role that you’re still rocking Gandhi’s look?”

“Jada, so happy to see you here. I didn’t even know there was a Ms. Pacman movie coming out!”

“Jada, you’re pulling off the bald look like no other. It is a shame that you and Willow will no longer be able to whip your hair back and forth, though.”

“Will, you have a lot of really incredible roles under your belt, but I’m not sure what’s worse: you turning down the role of Django or Jada turning down a wig.”

“Jada, I had no idea you were so close to Kevin Hart and The Rock. You look really ready for a team up movie with them!”

“I knew there were changes coming to the Fast and Furious franchise, but Jada I had no idea you’d be taking over for Vin Diesel!”

“Will, I think my favorite movie of yours is still I Am Legend. In fact, it looks like the last few hairs on Jada’s head are having their very own I Am Legend.”

Please. Please. Please. Do not cancel me for this blog.