Advice From A Girl – Friends With An Ex

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Can you be friends with an ex?

This was is very challenging. I believe some people can be friends with an ex. I think it is more likely that you are friendly with an ex. Not actual friends.

For me, I could exchange happy birthdays and have fond feelings towards an ex. I could be happy for that person if they get the job they wanted or got engaged.

However, I could not hang out with them. I could see them at a party or catch up. But I don’t want to hang around them regularly. Women’s brains remember the sentimental moment in their life a lot clearer than men’s brains do. So it would be harder for women to be around an ex. Especially, if that ex is with someone else now.

Girls don’t forget. Things men say are seared into our brains. Whether they are good or bad things. There are things guys have said to me that I will never forget. Mostly thoughtless comments made that hurt my feelings. It makes it hard to be around someone when your brain keeps reminding you of the shitty thing they said two years ago that they don’t even remember saying.

If someone you dated doesn’t want to hang out with you, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It could mean they just need more space to heal. It might be hard to not separate you from the past. It might be too painful.

If your ex blocks you or unfollows you, they have feelings for you still and have made the decision to get over you. (Side note, if you still have feelings for an ex that blocks you and you want to get back together, you better act FAST. Once they follow you again, times up. They likely refollowed you because they’ve moved on and it doesn’t hurt to see you anymore.) They block you because it’s too painful to see you on their feed. They don’t hate you. They may want to hate you though. Realistically, they are making the mature decision to keep you from interrupting their healing.

I’ve heard you can hook up with exes without catching feels again. I don’t know how you do that. Your ex must be so far from what you want for yourself that you can separate your feelings. I guess if I had an ex that’s life is going in the total opposite direction as mine, I could see that working. But be careful with this. If there’s no conversation before, someone might think this is a rekindling and will hate you after you inform her that this was just for funsies.

I guess the bottom line here is, be careful with the feelings of those you once were with. There is no shame in telling someone you don’t want to be around them because it makes you miss the old days. If you are going to hang out with an ex, have an open dialogue about it. If anything, that’s only fair to your new partners. No one wants to hang in a group where two of them used to be an item. Especially if they’ve never talked about what happened and there’s just weird tension. For your own well-being, don’t hold a grudge against your exes. If you arent over them yet, totally keep your distance. But if you are and are just holding on to hate, let it go!! Like their pictures! Text them a happy birthday! You once were their bestie. The longer you hold on to hatred the longer it will be until you get over them.

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