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Stupid Fears That Most People Have

A Group of Middle School Girls

There is no more intimidating sight than walking through the mall with your mother on a trip to get “dress pants that show you graduated high school” and encountering a group of middle school girls. They move in packs, each equipped with a Starbucks cup that’s essentially filled with straight creamer and outfits that were definitely put on after they left their parents. They will eye you up and down and know that if you were in their class, they’d have spent fifteen minutes shit talking your acne alone.

Seeing a Police Officer

You’re walking to class on a Wednesday morning on your one day of true productivity for the month, and a cop car is next to you as you cross the street. Despite the fact that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, there’s a small twang of fear that he’s going to get out of his car and arrest you for something that you don’t remember doing on Saturday night. Nothing ever happens, but still.

Asking the Waiter for Pretty Much Anything

Aside from giving the waiter your order, the thought of asking him to bring you a fork is one of the more daunting confrontations I can think of. Sure, it’s his job and he probably won’t mind at all, but at the same time, it wouldn’t be that difficult to eat this spaghetti with my hands. 

Poorly Timed Poops

It’s that moment that you realize you haven’t fully rid your bowels of the Chipotle you had before a night out. Maybe you didn’t take the precautionary shit before a road trip, and you realize you’re now an hour away from any rest stops. Or perhaps you’re on question four of a final worth 20% of your grade and it pops into your head that your last crap was more than twenty hours ago. Whatever the case may be, it’s not that you’re having an inkling that a poop is coming, it’s that you didn’t take the proper steps to avoid this worry. Now you’re trembling in fear that a poop is going to hit at the exact wrong moment. This is by far the most serious one.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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