Advice From A Girl – How To Dick Pic

Buckle up boys, I will teach you everything you need to know about dick pics.

Do girls dick pics?

According to “7.5% of heterosexual women and 12% of bisexual women reported feeling aroused by at least one unsolicited dick pic they received.”

That’s a small number of women… But let’s not listen to that study. Instead, let’s take dick pics and send them to people on the internet we don’t know. Everyone loves that! It is a crime and those unassuming women can report you. You also could be charged with a massive fine. But let’s do it anyway. If you’re nervous about your picture, let me guide you through it.

1 – Quality of Photo

You can use your iPhone if you wipe the pizza grease off the back of the camera and put it in portrait mode. If you don’t have at least an iPhone XR, you will have to hire a photographer. Make sure they specialize in dick pics.

2 – Filter

Use a good filter. Don’t use shitty Instagram filters like “Los Angeles” or “Abu Dhabi” those are grainy and low quality. Your high-quality dick needs a high-quality filter. Download VSCO and buy the premium filters. Then customize the filter of your choice until your dick looks like a catfish. Next, download FaceTune. Edit your dick until its skin is so dewy, it looks like a baguette dipped in olive oil. 

3 – Pose

Girls like nice, soft guys. So obviously, take the picture soft. It will show her how vulnerable you are. You should also hold it like a small child to show her how fit you are to be a father. Cradle it’s head like a wittle baby. Even wrap it in a tiny little blanket (if you’re not circumcised, you can skip this step). If your girl loves to eat, you can put your dick in a hotdog bun. If your girl loves fashion, get a Polly Pocket bucket hat and purse for your little fella.

I know that your girl will have feelings about your picture. As we know, every love story starts with an unsolicited pic. Best of luck! 

Just a reminder, if you send me a picture, I will report you. So make sure it’s worth up to one year in jail or 1,000 dollars.

Here is a song I wrote about my experience with Dick Pics, hope you enjoy it.

Written by Caroline Bano

Super boring girl with mediocre personality....but I'm hot. Read my blog. NYC.

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