Fuck, Marry, Kill – The Always Sunny In Philadelphia Cast

Going to keep it to Charlie Day, Rob McElhenney, and Glenn Howerton.

If it was all the Always Sunny actors, I’d fuck Danny DeVito and marry Kaitlin Olson.

FUCK: Rob McElhenney (Mac)

First off, he married Kaitlin Olson, so he has excellent taste. Second off, his weight gain and loss. That’s a man who has disorderly eating worse than me. He can’t say shit about my body when I gain weight. He can’t comment on when I eat in bed or when I’m bloated. Thirdly, he’s tan and rich. Fourthly, he loves his moms. That’s right, MOMS. As in plural. That’s a man that was taught how to respect women.

MARRY: Charlie Day (Charlie)

I love Charlie. He may be shorter than me, but he’s the funniest character on the show. Not only that, he’s a musical genius. I love Charlie Day the person as well. If you aren’t sold, go listen to him on Pete Holmes podcast “You Made It Weird.” His mindset is great. He’s mature. He’s hilarious. He’s not afraid to act like a fool for laughs. Not to mention, he’s married to Mary Elizabeth Ellis, who plays “The Waitress.” So, most likely, he’d give me a job. Also, he yells when he talks, so I finally won’t be the loudest in the room.

KILL: Glenn Howerton (aka Dennis Reynolds)

I know he’s gorgeous. But that’s the problem. I can’t marry a man with more botox than me. His skin is way too beautiful. I cannot accept that. First off, I’m the pretty one. Second off, I like to pop zits. I like my men with slight adult acne.

I would marry any of these men. Genuinely. I’m in love with them and I didn’t even have to talk myself into it just because they’re rich this time!!

Written by Caroline Bano

Super boring girl with mediocre personality....but I'm hot. Read my blog. NYC.

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