Every girl has been told by some guy that she’s “beautiful without makeup” and that she “doesn’t need all that crap,” but as women, we’re smart enough to know that that really means guys want us to wear more natural makeup. So we trade in the bright eyeshadows, dark, vampy lips, and contour for something a little more subdued: light neutral colored eyeshadow, pink lips, and just a touch of bronzer on the cheeks. It’s enough to make you look like a girl but not too much that if you were to faceplant in his pillow after a night out, there would be a complete replica of your face on it when you wake up. I assumed this was something every girl knew to do, until I met Carrie.
Carrie’s boyfriend has been missing for the past two weeks. The last time she saw him was at her place when he came over to hang out and watch Netflix, like he’s done plenty of times before in their short but budding relationship. He was being really sweet, telling her how beautiful she is, how lucky he is to be with such a babe, etc. (Editor’s note: I think he was just trying to get her to give him a BJ.) He dropped the whole “you’re so beautiful, you don’t even need makeup,” line and she, like an idiot, took it literally. That was mistake number one.
“I was having a breakout and thought it would be a good idea to let my skin breathe,” Carrie said. It’s bad enough letting a guy see you without makeup, but with pimples too?! That was mistake number two.
What happened next is still hard for Carrie to talk about. She went to wash her face, doing all the things she does whenever she’s not getting regularly dicked down. She came out of the bathroom, ready to cuddle up next to her man who “loves her for who she is on the inside, not the outside,” and it was at that moment that he saw for her for who she really was (and who we all really are): ugly without makeup.
Pale. Uneven skin tone. Texture. Acne. Redness. Pimples. Pimple cream covering the pimples. He, understandably, panicked.
“I don’t know what happened, I just came out of the bathroom after washing my face and he said he suddenly forget he had to pick something up at the store so he left, and I haven’t heard from him since,” she said.
Her boyfriend skidded out of the parking lot like he had just robbed a bank, and that was the last time anyone saw him. Carrie is heartbroken. She thought he was really the one, and she felt so comfortable around him — maybe too comfortable, if you ask me. She’s still in denial about the real reason he left.
“I don’t think it’s because I took off my makeup. I mean, sure, my bare face resembles that of an undercooked pancake, and my hormonal acne is acting up right now, turning my face into a sort of Rorschach test, but guys know this is what women look like without makeup, right?”
Wrong. Guys don’t know what we look like without makeup because we never *truly* take it all off. There’s always mascara in our lashes (because who actually can remove all the mascara in their eye the first time?), remnants of color on our lips, and a thin layer of foundation or concealer over trouble spots. Hopefully Carrie learns from her mistake, or more men she’s interested in dating will “go missing” too.
Ladies, let this serve as a reminder to you that no matter what he says, no guy wants to see you without makeup on. And if he does see you without makeup, it could be the last time you see him.
2 CommentsLeave a Reply
What kind of women-hating, pick-me bs is this? Gross. Needless to say ladies, if a man ever behaves like this/is incapable of conceptualizing beauty routines, he most definitely has stank scrote & you should run 🤢
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