Happy Groundhog day?

No like seriously, what the fuck is this “holiday”? If there was an award show for the most made up holiday there ever was, my boy Pux would show up dressed to the nines and blow all other holidays out of the water. 

In my research to try and wrap my head around this absurd holiday, I found an article that describes Punxsutawney Phil as a “rodent meteorologist.” Whether that was a joke or an actual way to describe Mr. Phils position, the whole thing is ridiculous.

It’s no surprise that the root of this day stems back to Pennsylvania. The state is filled with fables and stables. German settlers came to America and made their way to good ole Pennsylvania. There, they put all their trust into an animal that takes a nap for five months out of the year.

These people were literally betting their livelihood on whether a creature that’s directly related to a rat, sees its shadow or not. That’s a crazier concept than the big bunny that shits candy throughout your living room.

Groundhog Day is a very anticlimactic event that we still keep on the calendar for some reason. It’s such a boring day, that we haven’t even found a way to drink for the occasion. We just carry on as usual while the idiots in top hats yank a creepy creature out of some prop and behold them to the public. 

It’s not even a good conversation starter. For example, if I’m in an elevator and someone asks “Hey, do you know if Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow or not?” I’m going to pretend I’m deaf. I know it sounds dramatic but there is no way that encounter is going to be worth my while. I already know what the person will say regardless if I answer or not it’s always…”because I don’t know if I can handle six more weeks of winter.” SHUT UP RANDY! AN OVERSIZED RAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WEATHER. NOW GET OFF AT THE EIGHTH FLOOR AND GO COMMIT YOUR USUAL TAX FRAUD.

I will say, the only good thing that came out of all this is the 1993 classic film, ‘Groundhog Day’ with Bill Murray. A movie about being in a time loop where everyday is Groundhog Day. Which to me, sounds like my own personal hell. I can only imagine how many people toss this bad boy on every February 2. It’s a great movie and I believe it led to many other classics that have the same concept. For example, without ‘Groundhog Day;’ the show ‘Russian Doll’ and the movie ‘Palm Springs’ would have never been made.

All in all, fuck Groundhog Day. (The “holiday” not the movie.)

Written by Grace O'Malley

If Carrie Bradshaw drank a little bit too much and was originally from Boston...

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