The dick pic gets a lot of attention. Not good attention, but attention, for sure. Maybe it’s because of how aggressive it is. One second you’re stalking that girl you hate on Instagram and the next second a text message with a half-erect schlong pops up on your screen. We’ve all had to deal with it once or many times in our lives and while it’s awkward and weird, we can usually get over it.
That is, of course, until he asks you to send a picture back to him. You think, “okay, whatever” and you snap a quicky of your pushed-together cleavage. But he says no. He wants to see you. And by “you” he means your lady flower. Your clam basket. Your vagina.
You try to wipe the look of horror off your face as you visualize actually doing this. Do you do a panorama? Do you take if from under? From behind? What if it’s ugly? Is your vagina ugly?
It’s just about the dumbest internal debate you’ve ever had with yourself, but that doesn’t stop you from whipping out a mirror and wondering if everyone’s little hanging-out-lip-thingies look like yours. Well, we can all rest (and sext) easy now, because we finally have the “worlds prettiest vagina” to compare ours to.
Don’t you just hate society?
A little while back a contest was happening to find the hottest vagina in the world. The winners received thousands of dollars, a trip out to California, and the honor of being the inspiration for a new sex toy. Three women were selected, and now, finally, we can all compare our vaginas to theirs because it’s not like we didn’t feel self-conscious enough about our bodies.
Some scientists decided to study the data of the contest to determine what makes a vagina “attractive.” They took 110 out of the 182 entries (the removed the winners and ones that couldn’t be measured) and asked 134,707 creepy fucking people to rate the vag a 1-10 on attractiveness.
The brains then sorted the lady parts into classes. There were six different classes, one being the simplest looking vagina and six being the most complex. And it turns out 39 percent of people thought that the first, and simplest class was the hottest. These are the vaginas with no fur, hidden lips, and an overall delicate look. In comparison only 13 percent thought the class six vagina was a winner. What’s a class six, you ask? Think a beef sandwich, an open clam, or a revolving fan, made out of lips. Yeah, you get the picture.
But no matter where you fall in the classes, we can all rest easy. According to the data, your photography skills could really change how your vag is viewed. The study, said that ladies (LOL) who took a “doggy style” photo tended to have ratings that were two points higher than their no-doggy competitors.
So what does this mean? You can now tell if you have a cute vagina and feel bad about yourself if you don’t. You now know how to take a great vagina picture (doggy-style using a selfie stick), and you now know that the human race is officially deteriorating. The next time he asks for a vagina picture, be confident! Know your angles and tell yourself that no matter what, you think your vagina is hot, and that’s all that matters.
Or just block his and every other guy in the entire worlds’ phone numbers and take a hot shower and never come out because people are disgusting. Either works