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I Hate Dogs And I Honestly Feel Judged

The views expressed in this column do not represent the views expressed by TSM, just by its psychotic author...

I recently went out with a man who was very tall, very successful, and very attractive. We had a great first date, and I was delighted, but not surprised to be asked on a second one soon after. Throughout the week, we engaged in some chit chat here and there, and on one occasion, he told me he’d taken his dogs out to a hiking trail for the day. Along with his text, he sent me a picture of them to show them off.

I carefully avoided comment, so as not to show I welcomed this discussion. I didn’t want to lie or mislead, but I knew it was too soon to be upfront about how I felt. Like most men do, this guy thought this move was something of a method of seduction. And as I learned pretty early on, my dirty little secret was, to most people at the very least, a flaw, and at most, a dealbreaker.

If it isn’t obvious by this point, I am not a dog person. I’d tell you why, but my reasons are irrelevant, and I find that you, the dog person, generally aren’t interested in my opinion on the matter — it only interests you to tell me that I’m wrong, “insane,” and in some dramatic cases “evil,” and “untrustworthy.”

To me, not liking dogs is as much a part of my personality, as say, not liking tomatoes. Tomatoes are everywhere. They come on every sandwich and salad, and if you don’t like them, you’re frequently having to tell servers not to include them in your order, or in some *awful* cases, you have to pick them off yourself. Good friends probably know you don’t like them, but you don’t feel like it defines you, because it doesn’t. That’s not to say you don’t, truly hate tomatoes — you do. You REALLY don’t like them — maybe because you’re allergic, or maybe you hate the smell, or you think tomatoes are dangerous or maybe you don’t need to give a damn reason. You just don’t like them. But your hatred of tomatoes isn’t all that important to you or to anyone else, except when you are directly confronted with a tomato.

“What kind of monster doesn’t like dogs? What’s wrong with you?”

“Haha, I like my dog more than I like you.”

“You’re so weird.”

“You’re undateable.”

Well, ouch.

It’s not that I bring this up every chance I get. Like with that guy who probably won’t go on to be my boyfriend, because he wants to do dog things with me, I try to avoid it until I’m directly asked. Every time I first mention it to someone new, I try to keep it casual. “I’m not really a dog person.” I want to leave it at that. But dog people refuse to allow for it, and after they pester and prod, eventually I’ll give them what they’re looking for, even though I know they don’t want to hear it: I’m afraid, and I’m allergic, but regardless of those two things, I just think they’re gross. They’re big, and loud, and scary, and way too often, dog owners are inconsiderate and allow their dogs to misbehave, feeling no remorse at any inconvenience their pet has caused another person. In fact, they find it endearing.

Hate me yet? I know you do. I can feel your blood boiling, which is not my intention, but it’s absolutely the only impression that will last with 70% of people who read this. Of the other 30%, a few will whole-heartedly disagree but at least understand my side, and the other half — the silent 15-20% — will also not like dogs.

What bothers me more than dogs themselves, I think, is the assumption that I’m supposed to love them — the fact that I’m not allowed not to without being chastised. Dog lovers simply CAN NOT understand that someone doesn’t think the same way they do. The fact that you might POSSIBLY not think their dog is as incredible as they do didn’t even cross their mind until you told them so.

I’m not really sure why this is the way of the world. It’s perfectly acceptable to hate cats, so I’ve never seen cat owners bring their cats anywhere outside their own houses. It’s practically fashionable to hate children. So I see most parents apologize profusely for a child that disrupts a stranger. And no cat owner or parent holds the assumption that their cat or child will be not only welcomed, but beloved, anywhere it goes.

But this weird double standard exists where people who don’t like dogs are made to feel like lepers in society. So together, we lurk in the shadows until we find each other, and let out a “thank God you get it” when we meet another person who shares our views — which is quite often, I might add, but most of us are just smart enough not to be vocal about it, lest we’ll be subject to the uncomfortable conversation we’ve had time and time again.

I’m not trying to change anyone’s opinions about their animals. I understand that I’m in the minority here. I’m aware that places like parks, bars, and even some restaurants are becoming more and more dog friendly, and while I might not like that, it’s just something that I have to accept. They’re a part of our society, and I can’t undo it, and I don’t suppose to try. All I’m saying, is let me fucking live. If your dog jumps on me, consider the fact that I might not like that. Don’t invite it into my house and assume I’m going to be okay with it. Don’t show me pictures and expect me to coo, when you know I don’t care. And please, I beg you, feel at least an iota of shame when it pisses in a place it shouldn’t be pissing, or makes a mess where it shouldn’t have made a mess, or destroys a shoe it shouldn’t have been near to begin with.

Other than that, me and dogs are down to co-exist. I can sit in harmony with a dog, so long as we can keep our interactions to a minimum. It’s just you, the dog owner, that needs to get on board..

What do you think?

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Written by TSM

25 Comments

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  1. I cannot abide dogs they leave hairs everywhere they sniff dog mess they bark all the time they bite and
    sometimes injure people they do their business everywhere and they generally smell. I have never seen the attraction at all!!

  2. All dogs are disease ridden demons. They shouldn’t exist. Stop breeding them. Their behaviour does not depend on how they were raised or by whom they were raised. No, I was not biten or traumatised by any dog, still, dogs ruin E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

  3. I absolutely totally agree. I do not like dogs at all! I will never harm an animal but at all. However I do not want a dog as a pet. They shed hair, pee and poop everywhere and in my opinion a serious liability. I just am not fond of dogs or cats whatsoever.

  4. In a way this is a form of discrimination agaist us. I don’t think i hate those things, it would be like hating the sun because it burns your skin or hating a saxophone because of the music it makes, its just there but everything it is is my antithesis. Society needs to understand that we won’t go against democracy here but don’t expect me to agree with your pet loving sentiment. And by the way those animals don’t really want to be with you, the minute you open the door they will run away and never come back mostly. So you could say they are being kept against their own will thus animal cruelty if you ask me.

  5. Omg. My people! I wasn’t sure I hated dogs per se until something happened today. My sister has this dachshund puppy(aka cute and can do wrong and if it does wrong it just doesn’t understand). This dog is permanent roomba mode in case there’s a crumb of food to be found. That also means any time you are in the kitchen you are tripping over this rodent or stepping on it(only to have the poor little thing get babied silly for…..being underfoot). Normally I just chase it out and it gets the message. But not today….theres a bathroom just off the kitchen and my sister is in there…..when I go to chase this thing out it runs straight in there and sits and looks at me like “fuck you bitch I don’t have to listen now”….this dog pulled the bratty kid move(you know the one where the kid can do no wrong and when they finally push the wrong button and get their ass whipped, you feel all giddy inside). And this stupid ass dog does this…..TWICE. When it’s not that it’s the damn barking and yelping. Left for an appointment and came back and you’d think someone was bare handed ripping this asshole apart. And of course we gotta pick it up and coddle it and when it continues whining I get….”oh you need to acknowledge her cause she’s looking at you whining.” The dog is whining because you’ve picked her up and pretty much encouraged the behavior you enjoy. And now you expect me to. And I just could do nothing else except say….no I’m not doing it. I just don’t give 2 shots about your dogs. And don’t tell me the asshole doesn’t understand because she’s a puppy but knows exactly who to run to when we don’t wanna listen. We know who coddles and let’s us get away with murder. And one day maybe one of them will figure out why I do my best to never acknowledge the dog. I don’t feed it, I don’t pet it, and in general I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t here. It’s nuisance and chaos added on to nuisance and chaos. So yeah when I finally am in a position to have a say….there will be no dogs. I will not have have hair on my furniture, my house and furniture will not have the “dog” aroma, there will be no hog begging for food or helping themselves to it, there will be no yelping, no jumping, no licking, and no invading personal space while someone thinks it’s cute. I’ve seen enough bullshit dog behavior to last me a lifetime and I’m not interested. Owners have made me dislike dogs. This thing that pulled “insolent child” on me rocketed me to full blown hate. Get your dog away from me, and I highly suggest keeping it away.

  6. Hooray! You guys. I thought it was only me. Thanks for coming out.
    I hate dogs because they are so ugly, smelly and their tongues always hang out! Gross! As if they’re hungry and they eat anything you toss at them.

  7. Thank you so much. I laughed so hard.
    Why? Because it’s all so true… and no one sees it but us. Thank you again.

  8. Thank you for speaking the truth lovely writer of this awesome piece!

    A fellow UK dog disliked here. Fuck them and their stupid brainless owners.

    Big love from across the sea 🙂

  9. Dogs are abomination. They eat their vomit and excrements !!! That says it all. They are gross I hate them.

  10. I thought I was alone! People look at me like I just burned down an orphanage when I tell them I don’t like dogs. People are allowed to like and Diana’s they please, but dog people are a special kind of stupid. Dogs are obnoxious, loud, smelly, they shed, they bark they bite and they’re ugly, fuck dogs.

  11. I despise dogs. Wouldn’t hurt one. Wouldn’t even touch it. But I still get horrified gazes or uncomfortable looks if I say it. I love cats but if someone doesn’t like my cat or cats in general that’s okay, so why is it different for dogs??

  12. I hate dogs. I saw a dog attack when I was a little kid and that STILL doesn’t get through to people sometimes. As a guy, a lot of other guys in my circle like to make fun of me for being afraid of dogs, but I feel like that’s a whole other issue entirely. A lot of the time, owners are pretty ok with me not wanting to be around their pets, but sometimes, like with anything, I meet the worst people who want to “change my mind” with their pets no matter what I say and they only reinforce how much I truly dislike dogs. Nothing really against the animals themselves and I wish them happy lives, but I just don’t like them.

    My partner is a huge dog person. HUGE. She loves dogs more than she loves life itself and cannot live without one. I love her more than the anything, so we compromised and have a small dog (a Maltese) instead of a big one and he’s pretty ok most of the time. It’s not ideal for me, but she hates cats more than anything and we’re also going to be getting a cat as part of our bargain. Just gotta talk things out I guess!

    Dogs are still disgusting though. Completely agree that there’s some real asshole owners out there that get so offended when I get scared around their pets.

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