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I’m Leaving Tuscaloosa… Here’s Why

The first episode of Becca and I’s podcast, So I Was Like, came out today. (To listen on Apple Podcasts click here, to listen on Spotify click here.) And it really made me take a long hard look at my life. 

The two year anniversary of when I hit 10,000 followers on Twitter is approaching fast. And while that number has increased by 12 times, want to know what has decreased? My ability to use Tuscaloosa for content. 

You see, over the course of the past 2 years, I may have used absolutely every man I’ve ever had sex with for content. This is also known as making fun of them on the internet, while hundreds of thousands of people laugh along. 

Ever since I returned to Tuscaloosa, after being sent home early last year, I noticed that no one is hitting on me. I haven’t been picked up by a guy at the bar in over a year now. It can’t be because I’m ugly (I mean, look at me). It must be because they think I’m batshit crazy and are terrified I’ll use them for content, which I absolutely will. 

It feels as though I’ve run this city dry, and no guy wants to be my muse anymore. (If they wanted me to tag them in the tweets and give them credit, they could’ve just asked)  Do I regret it? No. So what do I do? 

I think the answer to this question is that I need a change of scenery. I need to mix things up a little bit.

So I’m moving to Nashville with a random girl I met on the internet. Well, she was random to me about three months ago, but today she’s my best friend, co host, and soon to be… roommate? 

Life comes at you crazy and it’s going to feel really good being able to walk into a bar and not have every man fear for his reputation when they have a conversation with me. I’m thinking of even lying about my name so they can’t search me up on Google. 

A lot of you have been around for my wild ride of junior year of college, where post long term relationship Alyssa exploited her entire life as she tried to navigate new grounds. Aka, sleeping in different fraternity houses, which DOES sound bad looking back at it, but I wouldn’t have traded my viral tweets about frat boys peeing on me during their sleep for the world. <3. 

I’m a changed woman now. I’m moving to a big city, I have a JOB, and get this, I have to pay my own rent! But not only that, I have countless bars and humans I have yet to experience, at the tips of my fingertips with someone who has as little respect for their life as I do (love you Becca). 

I know you were all getting tired of Alabama Alyssa, so don’t forget to follow new and improved (barely) Nashville Alyssa. Follow @SoIWasLikePod on Instagram and don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and rate us five stars. 🙂

What do you think?

Written by Alyssa Schoener

One Comment

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  1. It’s definitely up there with the worst feelings you can experience. My advice to anyone who suspects that their wife / girlfriend is cheating is to be smart about it. Most guys let their emotions take over and make stupid decisions. Remember, you’re not the first person this has happened to. I highly recommend [email protected] to help you out when you find yourself in this state. He can get you the peace of mind you deserve..TEXT OR WHATSAPP …. +1 774 202 9445

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