I’d Rather Eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch Than…

1. Anything you made in your air fryer

2. Ted Cruz’s dick

3. Coleslaw (Fuck coleslaw)

4. The eggs he made me the next morning

5. Turkey (It tastes like napkins, don’t @ me)

6. Anything on the Long John Silver’s menu (That franchise is 100% a money laundering scheme)

7. Vegan cheese

8. Flavored lube (The taste lasts for hours, and he only lasts for minutes)

9. A meal prepared by Armie Hammer

10. My ex’s micropenis (Had to Google that and make sure it’s one word…definitely didn’t also click “images”)

11. Steak your fraternity brother grilled

12. Those wafers they serve during communion (The body of Christ has no business being inside me)

13. My words

14. Corn tortillas (They have the same consistency as toilet paper…I imagine)

15. Fruit as “dessert”

16. Anything someone describes as “Tasting just like the real thing”

17. McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish (I broke up with a guy for ordering that, don’t ignore red flags)

18. Pineapple pizza (I’d break up with my current boyfriend if he ordered it)

19. Ice cream under 75 calories per serving

20. A 7-Eleven hot dog (That’s a lie. I’m not above eating gas station meats.)

Written by Morgan Williams

Morgan is the connoisseur of cringe and queen of oversharing. When this TCU alum isn't single-handedly downing a family size Digiorno frozen pizza, she spends her time as a freelance writer and meme maker. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter (@janetforklift) for posts that'll make you say, "I feel seen." (It's a cigar, not the world's fattest blunt)

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