It’s that time of year, ladies. Boat season.
Or, more specifically, time to start scouting out any friends of friends or loose acquaintances you know who have boats.
Once the weather hits 50 degrees, I start immediately craving going to someone else’s lakehouse to use someone else’s cooler to drink someone else’s White Claws on someone else’s boat. You know what they say: Keep your friends close, keep your boat friends closer.
Over the summer, my friends and I went to Florida. We were laying out on the beach all day until we realized we were in the mood to be on a yacht.
I took one for the team and volunteered to get on Hinge to do the dirty work. I decided to get straight to the point: I slid into guy’s inboxes with the most important question: “Do you have a boat?”
There was no time for small talk.
It only took 10 minutes before I found a guy willing to let my friends and I completely take advantage of him and his boat. I cannot emphasize enough how little we knew about this man.
Our conversation consisted of maybe five messages between the two of us, and we already had the invite, address and all.
We were a little scared to meet this complete stranger, mostly because we barely even knew what he looked like. But in the end we all agreed that if he was going to kill us, dying on a boat was better than dying on land. So we showed up.
We got there and it ended up being the best case scenario: he had friends! And they all had their own boats. We literally got to choose which boat we wanted to go on. To be honest, it was more of a yacht. It had three stories.
This seems like an unreal scenario, but I’m not kidding. Him and his friends apparently met in some Facebook group called “Rich Guys of Naples.”
And yes, I have tried to get into that Facebook group multiple times. By the way, I still have absolutely no idea who any of the men in this photo are. But I was on their yacht, so I didn’t care.
We were out on the water all day, drinking all of their alcohol and they even took us out to lunch on the pier. I didn’t know these guy’s life stories, their careers, their names, or which guy it was that I even matched with. At the end of the day, none of that matters.
I knew the answer to the only thing that mattered — these guys had boats.
Here’s some future advice: Don’t say hi. Ask about his boat situation. Does he have a boat? No? Do his friends have boats? No? You’re busy.
